Chapman’s Love Languages hypothesis claims “people vary in the ways they prefer to receive and express affection and romantic partners who communicate their feelings congruent with their partner’s preferences experience greater relationship quality.” In short, by practicing your partner’s love language, and vice versa, you will grow closer as a couple.
Before you feel attacked, let’s run it back and cover what each language exactly is.
Gift Giving: tangible tokens of love and thoughtfulness.
Quality Time: giving another person your undivided attention.
Physical Touch: connection through appropriate physical touch (nonsexual or sexual).
Words of Affirmation: verbal expressions of love, appreciation, and encouragement.
Acts of Service: selfless, thoughtful acts that make a person’s life easier.
In a 2020 research study, Jennifer L. Hughes and Abigail A. Camden at Agnes Scott College further explored the idea. Hughes and Camden recruited 981 individuals in relationships to complete a series of online surveys. Using multiple regression, they found support for the hypothesis that a partner’s perception that their partner was using their preferred love language well would increase love and relationship satisfaction. The study also found that women who thought their partner was using their preferred love language well reported greater feelings of love as compared to men.
Does that mean people with different primary love languages are incompatible? Not exactly. Research has been inconclusive in determining if the same exact love languages determine a successful relationship.
It is important to note that love languages are not set in stone–rather, they are malleable, says Dr. Avigail Lev, a licensed clinical psychologist and certified mediator at Bay Area CBT Center. Most people have more than one love language, and they can also change and shift over time because people’s needs and wants are constantly changing.
The way people experience, receive, and give love can change too! Whether it be in response to age, time in people’s life, or in response to trauma, it can evolve the more people learn, grow, and understand themselves.
There are many quizzes online to tell you what your primary and secondary love languages are. Below are ones specially curated just for you.
- The 5 Love Languages Quiz
- Truity 7 Love Styles Test (Love Style test, not a Love Language quiz)