Ben Laboy ’13

Name
Ben Laboy
 
Hometown
Bethesda, Maryland
 
Major
Science, Technology and Society
 
Activities
Fleet Street
 
How many swords do you own?
2
 
2?
Yeah.
 
I thought you had more than that.
I have two REAL ones, real big ones.
 
From where?
One’s from Toledo, Spain which is the sword capital of the world [laughs].
 
And where’s the other one from?
The other one I got…I really wanted it in middle school.
 
Why do you have swords?
Well the “Lord of the Rings” one is the middle school one.
 
How many swords are there in “Lord of the Rings”?
There are a lot of swords.
 
How many kings are there? The ones where you have to reforge the sword?
Say that again? Have you ever seen these movies?
 
I forgot. The sword that had to be reforged like Naramsil or something?
Narsil, yeah.
 
What were the other ones?
Well, [laughs] f**k you. Well Gandalf’s is called Glamdring, it’s blue and very pretty. Frodo’s is Sting obviously. Anduril is the one that I have [laughs]. It’s the one that they reforged.
 
So you want to be king like Aragorn?
Yeah that’d be pretty cool.
 
So if you were in a hypothetical Orc attack, would you rather have an eternal flamethrower or Sting? [ed. note: not this but this – it glows blue in the presence of an Orc]
Well, I mean Sting would give you a little heads up because you would be able to tell if they were coming so you could prepare or hide or plan an ambush, you know.
 
Boff, marry kill: Liv Tyler, Emma Watson or Rachel McAdams?
Hmm…I don’t want to kill any of them.
 
Well you have to or else the world will explode.
How could I kill…?
 
You will kill all the children on this earth if you do not make this decision.
[Long silence, followed by a sigh] God this is tough decision…I think I gotta marry Rachel McAdams. She’s just too awesome. Um…this is too hard. I can’t kill Emma Watson but I can’t kill Liv Tyler. Fine, boff Emma Watson, kill Liv Tyler – OH WAIT SHE’S IMMORTAL, BANG! [ed. note: He’s referring to Tyler’s role as Arwen the elf in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.]
 
So upping the stakes, Liv Tyler as Arwen, the other two as just the actresses – does that change anything in your decision?
See I can’t kill Liv Tyler, she practically is an elf. Like she’s got pointy ears in real life and looks like an elf so I’d actually probably boff her and kill Emma Watson.
 
So you could say you boffed an elf?
I mean, we’re talking about a very beautiful elf here…I hate you.
 
Who’s your favorite ninja turtle?
Never really watched that show sorry…Well, I do know the…[begins to sing]
Splinter taught them to be ninja teens
Leonardo leads. Donatello does machines.
Raphael is crude, er, rude.
Michelangelo is a party dude.
So I’d probably…Leonardo’s the leader…whichever one wore red. I don’t know, red’s my favorite color.
 
In a zombie apocalypse, assuming all food had been destroyed except for the super processed stuff, would you rather live off Spam or Twinkies for the rest of your life?
Probably spam since it’s some sort of meat. Twinkies are just empty calories.
 
Yeah and I mean if you’re gonna have cardio…
Yeah you gotta keep the cardio in there.
 
What’s your favorite song to sing?
“Just” or “There, There” by Radiohead
 
Why is Radiohead awesome in one sentence?
I don’t think I could do that. It probably couldn’t fit in a sentence.
 
Favorite physical trait in a girl
Gotta have pretty eyes.
 
Favorite personality trait in a girl
They have to be comfortable in their own skin.
 
What does it mean to you to be a Campus Cutie?
It means I’m friends with the editor.