Thanksgiving is among my favorite holidays because it reinforces the gratitude that we feel all year long and gives an opportunity to reflect on our blessings. I am fortunate to say that I am thankful for new opportunities, health, and love. I could write a book elaborating upon those, but this year in particular I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the hardships in my life and have learned to look at them in a new light. So, I want to use this Thanksgiving as a time to thank a few of my hardest challenges in life for teaching me valuable lessons and shaping me into who I am today.
I am thankful for …
My Parent’s Divorce
My parents separated when I was five and I am so thankful. It was extremely hard to adjust to at first and my childhood was full of questions because I didn’t quite understand why mom and dad couldn’t be together. But now that I’m older, I understand exactly why this was the right decision for our family.
I respect the hell out of my parents for making a tough choice that was right for them yet keeping my life as normal as possible. They handled it maturely, setting aside their differences when I was involved in order to raise me in a healthy environment. Because I grew up in two separate homes, I gained a glimpse into real life at a young age. Love isn’t always kind and it doesn’t always work out. But that doesn’t mean that life doesn’t go on or that you can’t find happiness with someone else.
People may view divorce as families breaking apart and shrinking in size, but in my case, it has gotten much bigger and fills my heart with even more love. My mom and dad are now both remarried, so I have two additional step-parents to love and support me. Plus, all of their family members too, who I am so thankful to have in my life.
Christmas with my step-dad’s family.
My dad’s recent wedding with my step-mom and sister.
My Anxiety
Thank you, anxiety, for giving me a unique perspective of the world and of myself. Because of my mental health situation, I am extremely self aware and conscious of my choices. I overthink everything, but this allows me to contribute new ideas to a discussion or come up with multiple solutions to manage a conflict. My social anxiety keeps me present in conversation and I pick up social ques quickly. For this, I am thankful because I am always cautious of my behavior and put a lot of thought into the words I say. It also makes me present in conversation and invested into what others say to me.
Anxiety allows me to step back and take time for myself. I have anxiety attacks more than I’d like to admit, but I’ve started to see them as opportunities to reason with myself and heal. When I’m under a lot of stress, this is when I become most self aware and I’m thankful that I am very in-tune with my thought process and boundaries.
My struggles have made me become very passionate about mental health awareness. I, like many in our generation, was raised knowing the stigmas surrounding mental illnesses. Having dealt with them myself and seeing how much of an impact mental health has had on those I love, motivates me to start conversations about it and in the process, heal by connecting with others who share my perspective. I’m thankful that anxiety has impacted me in the sense that I do not let it break me down, but rather use my experiences to humanize and raise awareness to this epidemic.
My Past with Relationships
As backward as it sounds, I am thankful that I’ve had a relationship fail. I was in an abusive relationship for several years and though it broke me down, I’m so appreciative that I had to build myself back up. I was constantly manipulated into doing things I wasn’t comfortable with and believing in ideals that didn’t match my own. I had totally lost touch with myself and allowed somebody else to dictate my life. My self awareness and confidence was at an all time low throughout that time and it’s been a long road repairing it ever since. However, taking some much needed me-time did the trick. Instead of blaming myself for allowing the abuse to continue, I put an end to it and once removing that negativity, began to find myself again. I spent a lot of time reflecting and hyping myself up, essentially. I watched myself creep back into the spotlight and found my voice again. If I hadn’t been broken down to this level, I wouldn’t have had the chance to reconnect with myself and rise above the abuse. I certainly have a different perspective of the world because of my past, but I’ve allowed this view to be one of hope rather than pity. I hope to never lose my voice again, to share the love that had once been taken from me, and to not let the past win.
Because I had been in a toxic relationship, I knew all of the warning signs and felt confident when moving forward in forming a new, healthy one with someone else. I’m thankful for the bad times and the fake love because it makes me value my relationship even more. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and I credit that to my boyfriend, Mike. He has transformed my viewpoint on love and reminds me every day that it does exist, and healthy relationships are possible. Though the effects of past abuse still linger, I am strong enough to know that I am safe now. I don’t carry the weight of someone else’s actions on my shoulders because I know that chapter of my life has ended. These polar opposite relationships have made me realize that love can only exist with the right person, who I am so thankful to have found. Contradictory to what I once believed, I am worthy of that love and can still be independent while in a committed relationship.
A healthy relationship will never restrict you, rather, let you bloom into who you were meant to be all along. The right person can change everything and allow you to take on a new perspective of the world and yourself – there are no words to describe how thankful I am to now have this positivity in my world.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been a long road for me to find the good in these circumstances. Time heals, and confronting life’s difficulties first hand can speed up the process.
“I’m thankful for my struggles because without them, I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strengths.”
If you’ve read this article through to this point, I challenge you to write your own list or at least ponder the big events in your life that have changed you. It’s easy to let setbacks break you but let’s use this Thanksgiving season as incentive to look them in the eye and thank them for their impact.
HCXO and Happy Thanksgiving,
Ashley