Life is one crazy mess sometimes. In this crazy mess, one thing is always certain and that is that life will always throw you curveballs. It is structured in a way to test your strengths by making you realize your weaknesses and over come them. Just when you think you had enough, you realize you can handle so much more. You grow up. You live and you learn. You take it one day at a time and readjust your sails. You have to remember that no matter what happens, life doesn’t stop for anyone. It makes you pick yourself up and realize the cliché truth ” everything happens for a reason.” There is always a reason for the outcomes of our choices or the choices of others. You may not see the reason at first, but it is always there and it will always teach you a lesson.
My lesson came in the heartbreak. It felt like life kicked me in the gut and decided that it was my turn for a reality check. One moment I went from thinking I had it all and life couldn’t get any better. Then the next moment, it was gone. No more goodnight texts, no more always and forever, and no more speaking to my best friend. All it took was a text message to make me feel like I was never going to be able to breathe the same way again.
However, sooner than later, that feeling ended. Once again, life threw me another curveball. This curveball came in the form of a newfound independence, a realization that I was breathing even better than before, and that I had so many chances to turn this breakup into one of the best things to happen to me. Don’t get me wrong, I was incredibly happy with my life before this curveball. I have no regrets. But I realized I was pretending everything was perfect. I realized the things I sacrificed that I shouldn’t have. I realized how alone I actually felt. I realized the sense of relief that I began to feel. Let’s be real, nothing is ever perfect. I was pretending to be happy with my decision to settle for something that was not what it used to be. As sad as these realizations were, they were also eye-opening. I did not want to admit it at the time but my significant other and I grew apart. With every new curveball, people change and that’s okay because that is what happens in life.
The two hardest realizations I had were that I was not strong enough to let go of the person I was with for so long and I was not ready to let go of the person I was with him. For a brief moment in time, I felt incomplete. Finally, I came to the realization that I was enough.
So now, I thank him. I thank him for showing me my independence and giving me a chance to be selfish. My accomplishments are of my own making and my newfound independence has given me the strength I need to begin this next chapter of my life. It might have taken some time but I made it. I cannot thank him enough for being strong enough to do exactly what initiating the breakup when I was not strong enough to do it on my own. I had to be let go of in order to make an effort to grow on my own and do things my way.
Each curveball in life, whether it is good or bad causes a fire inside us. Sometimes the fire is big and it consumes us for some time. We let the fire become wild and lead us down the potentially wrong path. It is our responsibility to control the fire but sometimes controlling the fire is not within our power. And that is okay. Those mistakes become lessons learned and the wisdom gained to can be used to extinguish the fire. The fire within us may look beautiful as it burns, but even small fires cause damage and someone can end up getting burned, including you.
I believe people change. No one is who they really are until they finally know who they really are. And what is frustrating is that you never know when that will be. Human beings are complex and we change like the seasons. All it takes is one little curveball to cause someone to make a complete 180 on who they want to be. Maybe they are closer to who they are meant to be. Or maybe we are not all meant to just be one type of being. We drift in and out of ourselves for the pure fact that we would get bored if we didn’t. Maybe it’s an, “If it’s not broke, break it” mentality. Or maybe it’s because humans tend to make everything so much more complicated. Either way, it’s exactly what makes life so very interesting and worth living.