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Sex + Relationships

A Letter to His Ex-Girlfriend

To his ex-girlfriend: this letter is not for you. Instead, this is about what you’ve given me without intending to give anything… I know you’re not selfless. This isn’t the place for me to attack you; in fact, I’d like to thank you. In your disregard for others, you’ve allowed me to find a person who has been the greatest gift I could have received. Though I don’t condone most of the things you did, you did do something I’m grateful for: you left. This is not meant to be an expression of my animosity toward you. This article is for every woman I know who is in a positive, healthy relationship, but she’s living each day with someone like you in the back of her mind. For a moment, I was a woman like that. At first, I found myself wondering what it was about you that drew him in, but I’ve moved beyond that now. I’ve realized that what he thought he saw in you is what he actually sees in me: compassion, consideration, and care for others. This is not about me, this isn’t even about you, this is about the women who, in their leaving, have given a gift to a woman who deserves it.

 

 

The Past. Relationships. Trauma. Sadness. Guilt. Intimacy. Love. Pain — when you add all of these together, it’s a guaranteed recipe for disaster. First, begin with your own relationship, stir in a large amount of overthinking, throw in a dash of sadness, and bake at 350 degrees until you self-destruct… or you can change your perspective. Instead of wasting your time dwelling on the past, you can cherish the relationship you have. Instead of focusing on a girl who is nothing like you, focus on being the best version of YOURSELF that you can be. So, to his ex, I’m the one who was there after you. I’m the person you weren’t capable of being. In your careless actions, you’ve given me the happily ever after I always wanted. For the ladies reading this, you’re the princess someone is waiting for.

 

I’ll be the first person to sing the praises of regular appointments with a counselor. A while ago, I was in a session and the therapist told me I needed to find closure about you, his ex-girlfriend. At the time, I wasn’t sure how to do that, because we both know your break-up involved more than just a “this isn’t working out” and “the feelings are gone.” I’m the type of person who strives to protect the people I love, but even I can’t change past. So instead, I’m hoping to find closure through sharing these words. I want to show that you have never had any power over either of us, and I want to show other women that they are in control of their own relationships as well.

 

 

I know you’ll likely never read this, but in the sincerest way possible, thank you. Thank you for the ways you’ve forced me and my relationship to grow. Thank you for all your wrongs, because they’ve led me to someone I know is right. This is my closure about you, and I hope other women reading this can find the same comfort. By being the girl who loves genuinely, regardless of the past, you’ll find unparalleled inner strength. More importantly, you’ll find a love worth more than anything. Let go of the doubts in the back of your mind and love wholeheartedly. She is not you… and that’s a good thing.

 

HCXO,

Megan

 

I'm Megan Miller, a senior Psychology/Sociology double major and Children's Studies minor. You can find me giving campus tours, kicked back in the Fred Rogers Center, or on a date with my homework at the local coffee shop. If there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that I approach every day with one goal: make Michelle Obama proud.
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