“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” – Deborah Day
Self-love is a topic that has been widely discussed lately, and for good reason. Research has shown that self-compassion can decrease anxiety and depression, increase optimism, and help you recover better from stress. Kristen Neff, Ph.D., is one of the pioneers in self-compassion research. She started conducting research experiments on self-compassion in her post-graduate work, wanting to empirically define this construct. She states that self-compassion “involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend. When faced with difficult life struggles, or confronting personal mistakes, failures, and inadequacies, self-compassion responds with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment, recognizing that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.” (Neff & Dahm, 2015).
It is important that we are kind and considerate to others. We should not become narcissists and only care for ourselves. But there needs to be a balance. We cannot constantly be taking care of others, trying to make others happy, and forget about ourselves. It is not a selfish act to take care of yourself, but a step towards self-love. Sometimes, you just need to unplug for a while and relax. Don’t be hard on yourself for needing a break.
One way to practice self-love is to do something alone, with only yourself as company. Do something that brings you happiness. Paint, write, go to a spa, dance, go for a walk, anything that brings you joy and fulfilment. Today’s culture implies that we should always be around others for happiness. However, when you are alone, you are able to focus your attention on yourself. You will be able to recharge and learn about yourself from your own reflection. As you find independence from all the pressures around you, you will be able to build new friendships and deeper relationships in your family and friends. But it starts with you. In order to give love to others, we must first love ourselves.
Another important self-love technique is to practice awareness. Practice being aware when you start to judge or be harsh on yourself. Once you start to see these poisonous thoughts creeping in, try and change them into forgiveness and compassion. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to focus your attention onto your breathing and on the stiffness in your body. Sometimes, we get so lost in what we are dealing with externally that our internal stress levels increase, and our breathing becomes stiff, putting our tenseness and anxiety into our body. Performing some simple breathing exercises will
start to let you unwind your body and help you convert your stress into productive energy.
The key to self-love is to accept yourself completely: all the good and all the bad. Love yourself wholeheartedly. You are complex and beautiful, and that should be celebrated. Be kind to yourself, even on days you think you don’t deserve it. Now, I’m not saying it is always easy to love yourself. It isn’t. Self-love is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and it’s something that needs to be constantly worked on. But be encouraged. Once we start to become aware of patterns of self-judgment, we can switch our negative thinking into a positive attitude.
HCXO,
Norina