Hey there, sexy readers –
So, obviously, this blog is somewhere in which I hope to be open and honest about sex and intimate relationships, and which I hope you find relatable and maybe even a little funny. Because let’s be honest: There aren’t many places in the world, even now, where young women like us feel we can talk openly about sex and our sex lives.
The sanctity of sexual “purity” still permeates our culture, especially for unmarried women, and sex is generally looked-down upon as dirty or slutty. This is furthered by the prevalence of abstinence-only or abstinence-heavy sex education curriculums that our society perpetuates. In the recent political atmosphere, questions of sex and reproduction have taken center stage, and there seems to be more “slut-shamming” than ever before, as in the case of Sandra Fluke and pop icons such as Kristen Stewart. We are indoctrinated with the idea that sex is only OK when it is between a husband and wife; all other intimate relationships carry varying degrees of taboo. Would Fifty Shades of Grey have had the same effect and mass popularity if Anastasia Steele had lost her virginity in the back of her boyfriend’s car when she was 16 or if she had a drunken hook-up or two during college? I think her innocence going into her relationship was part of what sold the entire series.
I’m not saying that we haven’t come a long way – we definitely have! It is fantastic that women feel sexually liberated enough to read erotic literature in public or post about it public forums like Facebook. But there still tends to be a stigma against premarital sex which we can’t shrug, which is why I was thrilled when I found Jill Filipovic’s article, “The moral case for sex before marriage,” (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/sep/24/moral-case-for-sex-b…) which makes a case for why premarital sex is actually really healthy.
In the article, the author argues that having sex is normal, natural, and results in more satisfying long-term relationships and marriages. She gives a number of reasons why having sex before marriage can be beneficial, from stress-relief and general happiness to ensuring sexual compatibility. One of my favorite quotes from the article states that “while the old adage tells women that men won’t buy the cow if they can get the milk for free, if I’m buying a cow, you can bet I’m going to make sure the milk is to my liking.”
The reason I really love this article, other than that it promotes healthy, happy sex, is that she makes the case that everyone should be able to have sex when they are ready, without societal and cultural taboos affecting their decisions. If you want to wait until your wedding night to have sex, that is fine, so long as it is a personal choice and isn’t informed entirely by the “cultural phenomenon” of chastity. I highly recommend Filipovic’s article to all of my readers, especially those who feel ostracized or judged based on their sexual decisions and preferences. As Filipovic states, “Sexual morality isn’t about how long you wait. It’s about how you treat yourself and the people you’re with.”
I’d love to hear what you think of Filipovic’s article or my blog, or any questions, concerns, comments or ideas for future blogs!
Stay sexy St. Olaf,
H.Â