Somewhere along the way, being a good woman became synonymous with being a selfless one. We learned to apologize for taking up space, saying no, putting ourselves first and being anything less than perfect. How many times have we apologized for something we weren’t even sorry for? For saying no, for not answering a text, for choosing ourselves, or for simply being human? Why are young women taught to feel guilty for having boundaries, ambitions, emotions and standards, but rarely taught that they don’t owe the world an explanation for any of them?
One of the hardest things to learn as a young woman is that choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish. Sometimes, that means outgrowing friendships you’ve had for years. Other times, it means choosing your future over a long-term relationship. As we grow, we change. Our priorities shift, our values develop, and we begin to see the world differently. The people who once felt like home might no longer fit into the life we’re building, and that’s okay. Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and growing apart doesn’t mean the memories you made together weren’t real. You can appreciate what someone once meant to you without forcing a connection that no longer feels healthy or right. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for becoming a different version of yourself to belong.
There’s a saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some people come into your life to teach you a lesson, others accompany you through a particular season, and a few stay with you through the many chapters of your life. The difficult part is learning to recognize when someone’s chapter in your story has ended. We sometimes hold on to people out of fear of losing the history we share, forgetting that history alone isn’t always enough to keep a connection alive. You can be grateful for someone’s place in your past without forcing them to remain in every chapter that follows.
The same applies to romantic relationships. As young women, it’s easy to become so attached to the idea of what could be that we forget to consider whether that future is right for us. We convince ourselves that leaving means giving up, that choosing our career means we didn’t love them enough. But you can love someone deeply and still recognize that you aren’t meant to grow together. You can miss someone and still know that going back isn’t what’s meant for you. Love should never require you to abandon your dreams, lose your independence, or put your entire future on hold just to fit someone in your life.
There is no deadline for finding love, choosing a career, or figuring out who you want to become. Your early adulthood is meant for learning, making mistakes, changing your mind, and discovering who you are. You don’t owe anyone the old version of yourself simply because that’s what they are comfortable with. Not everyone will understand your decisions, and not everyone will agree with the person you’re becoming. And that’s okay.
Growing up means accepting that sometimes, choosing yourself will mean ending a chapter with different people. It doesn’t mean you never cared or valued any less. It means you’re learning that your future matters, your boundaries matter and your happiness matters, too. You can love people, appreciate the lessons they’ve taught you, and still allow yourself to move forward. You don’t have to feel guilty for outgrowing the life you once wanted to make room for the life you’re meant to build.