Dirty dishes are piling up in the sink, guests staying over until 2 a.m. during midterms week, an odd smell in your room that just won’t leave and you’re knee deep in the dreaded roommate drama of freshman year. You hate to see it happen, things are going fine through the first couple of weeks of class, but then you start drifting apart, and tensions boil. Before you know it, you’re all not talking and higher-ups are getting involved!
As someone who’s seen it happen and had it happen, I can offer pieces of advice so you know what to do if you and your roommate are at odds.
Stay Calm
If you blow up and aggressively confront them with what you believe to be inadequate behavior as your roommate, it will only make things worse. Nothing good comes from aggression in an already volatile situation–you wouldn’t throw gasoline on a house fire, would you? Instead, try to get out of the room if you’re in a double room or go to your room if you’re able to. Throwing gasoline on a house fire would never help. Go to the lounge or call someone to vent. It’s easy to calm yourself down when you finally can get something off your chest.
Document & Talk
If you see something that violates your roommate agreement and affects your quality of life in your room, document it! Take a picture or video for evidence in case you have to escalate further. If you believe you can confront your roommate about what you believe is affecting you and how it is, be clear, firm and calm. The key here ladies, is calm. Aggression will never get you anywhere if you’re trying to work something out. Use the documentation you had in order to back up what you’re saying. Hopefully, this will turn into a meaningful discussion and mend the bonds that broke during your tense times.
Third-Party Intervention
If you do not feel comfortable talking to them yourself, want to have someone there for support or the initial discussion doesn’t go well, then you can try to get a neutral third-party involved. Your RA or RD (Resident Director) are great options to be there for your discussion. You do not want them to feel pressured or intimidated, which will not lead to a good outcome on either side.
Living with someone in your space may be a new experience for you; after all, that is what college is all about. College is also about meeting and exposing yourself to new personalities and people, with that comes the possibility of meeting people you don’t mesh with! It’s fine to disagree with someone; you will get through this. Plus, just think about the stories you’ll have for next year!