By: Amelia-Rose Williams
“Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, by now you’ve probably heard of that article by ChantĂ© Joseph circling the internet. However, what does it mean? Has dating men in 2025 become humiliating? Many people online have taken the title by face value, pointing out that their boyfriends treat them well, and it must be that women who do resonate with the title are “unhappy” with themselves. However, the vast majority of women seem to disagree with that statement entirely, myself included.Â
I first started dating when I started high school. I grew up in a predominantly white area, and because of the lack of diversity, I grew up struggling on various occasions with my own identity. By the time I reached middle school, I had repressed a lot of my personality to win the approval of my peers. Before I knew it, high school was right around the corner, COVID hit, and during lockdown, I lost who I was entirely. However, starting high school gave me a new opportunity to begin finding my identity and deciding who I truly wanted to be. I began my exploration of myself by putting myself out there more to my peers, and before I knew it, I ended up with my first boyfriend.Â
My first relationship was quite rocky; there were a lot of things that I didn’t know. However, I was a fast learner, and there were a lot of things my partner did that I just wasn’t satisfied with. He was very possessive, demanding, and stubborn. He believed that unless I was around him constantly and giving him my attention, I was “betraying” him. He would make threats to my family, friends, and even my dog! Eventually, I realized that a person who cares about me wouldn’t make me feel as though I’m constantly walking on eggshells around them. I developed the courage to break things off with him and never turned back.Â
Since then, my past relationships to date have also been quite rocky, more or less aligning with the same sediment as my first relationship. However, I’ve noticed a pattern: many of these guys have requested the big word “commitment”. It’s my honest belief that none of these guys have any idea what commitment is. Currently, commitment for the majority of men is the availability to be there anytime they call, for “personal” attention. Commitment for women these days is just being there to show up for us when we need it. Referring back to the article by Chanté Joseph, netizens have concurred that the majority of men these days are less of a means to uplift and support you emotionally and physically, and more of a means to fuel your stress and anxiety. They aren’t willing to create and nurture a bond with you that will hopefully be a means to something greater in the end.
No matter whether they are looking for something short-term or long-term, the goal remains the same. Little-to-no attachment, paired with little-to-no effort, and once they have what they want from you, they leave. It doesn’t matter how many times you deny them or whatever excuse you come up with. Not to mention the overwhelming costs of living, the cost of having children, and the current state of mental health going on around the globe. Honorable mention: the various videos uploaded by women who are in relationships, not getting the treatment that they deserve! More and more women are choosing themselves. Birth rates have gone down, enrollment in universities for women has gone up, as well as graduation rates, which have even exceeded men.Â
Women are tired of waiting for their turn to be treated the way they deserve. Relying upon men for their happiness has gone out the window. More women are realizing the importance of education, independence, and financial stability. Things that men are either falling behind on or not prioritizing enough. There is no transparency. I feel like women must prioritize themselves. With how things currently are, we have no other choice. Men are choosing themselves; they are choosing what is best for them, but just because it’s better for them doesn’t mean that it has to come at the price of degrading us, by preventing us from finding something better than just being a “booty call”. Now that’s embarrassing.