The weight of holding my mom’s hand gets lighter, but the weight of the bank statement in my other hand gets heavier. I am only four years old, sitting in the office of a bank. It’s a cold chair I’m sitting in, and my feet barely touch the waiting room floor. How am I supposed to explain to these people my problems when I don’t even know the problem? It’s not something you see every day, when a little kid comes and explains a charge has been made on their parents’ card by mistake. You feel overwhelmed. Your hands begin to clamp up and get sweaty. This is just one of the many moments all first gens feel.Â
You are often left to navigate complex systems and responsibilities from the moment you can walk and talk. It can start off with small things, like trying to explain to a doctor what your dad’s symptoms are, to crying at the dining room table trying to fill out your FAFSA. When I would come across these situations, I’d always ask myself, “Why me?” I look back and think about the times I wished I was someone else. As I got older, I began to cherish the life my parents still give me. I grew up in a small town, which doesn’t seem like the place where you have many experiences.
Living in rural areas like this is a case of finding. You need to find the friends you want, find the jobs and opportunities you want. My parents were able to take me to a place where I could have friends, play sports, learn in school, and go to parties. I was able to play the sports that I wanted and join the clubs I wanted. My parents would let me travel to explore as much of the world as I could. Each and every day, they encourage me to do above and beyond and be the best version of myself I can be.
It was always frustrating going to school and having teachers say, “Just show this to your parents; they should know how the system works,” or counselors asking, “Maybe you want to study something mom and dad studied”. I had always thought it was bold of them to assume these things. Every family had different upbringings and mine was one of them. It used to stress me out that at times I couldn’t ask my parents, because they never knew the answers, and oftentimes I would get really angry with them.
Once I got into college and met more first gens, I saw the bigger picture. Who cares if they didn’t have the same upbringing as others or didn’t have answers to my questions? If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be asking these questions and I wouldn’t be in the position I am today. When I walk around campus, I always wonder how I ended up here. I tell myself every day it’s because of my parents. Their sacrifices and hard work have brought me to a place and an education many people don’t have the opportunity to go to and that’s something I will never take for granted.