It all started with a simple “hey beautiful” on Facebook.
Typically, I would ignore these kinds of messages since 9/10 never went anywhere past the how are you stage. I reasoned that he was different because I had met him before at a party and I thought he was a decent guy . . . someone I wouldn’t mind getting close to. There was only one small problem; he was one of my cousin’s best friends and had an on-off girlfriend. Against my better judgment, I responded to him that night and began what would be an emotionally draining experience.
He was a toxic person and while I didn’t see it at the time, when I look back at the experience, all of the signs were there:
1. What I first perceived to be “aww…he cares” turned into feelings of being controlled and manipulated. If I didn’t respond within minutes my phone would go off every second until I responded.
2. When I spoke about things that were important to me, he would constantly put them down, and make the conversation about him. My school life was never as important as his Friday night plans or drinking with his friends after soccer practice.
3. After a few messages I began to notice his arrogance, from “what girl wouldn’t want me” to “babe, I’m a pleaser.” His endless talk about his ex-conquests exasperated me. This is when I began to respond less frequently.
4. During the day, he would randomly send me explicit images, along with suggestive language. At first I laughed it off, but when it wouldn’t stop I became wary of his messages.
5. And last of all, I never knew what person I was going to get when I did respond to him. He could be sweet, loving, and make me melt like a puddle at his feet. Or, he would walk all over me and make me feel like everything was my fault.
At this point, many of you might be thinking, “why didn’t you leave him?” That is the million-dollar question. I’ll admit. . . I liked the attention he gave me, the feeling that I was deeply wanted by someone who was out of my league. There were hundreds of reasons why I should’ve given him up sooner, but I didn’t want to.
Deleting his phone number was my first step to healing from his toxicity. Because regardless of your past, someone who truly cares shouldn’t make you feel unworthy of love.
Blessed Be.