The average woman is insecure about her body 12 times a day. That’s not an actual statistic, that’s just usually how many times it crosses my mind and I’m an average lady. I’m a huge advocate for body positivity, yet here I am about to divulge my secret habits that formed out of body insecurity. From pulling my leggings up over my muffin top when I’m walking to the less obvious but still strange habit of making sure my tongue is on the roof of my mouth in all pictures, so I don’t accidentally get a double chin. And in the past I’ve retouched photos so my back doesn’t look like it has any fat on it (I get very worried that I look like the hunchback of Notre Dame sometimes) please don’t investigate on my Instagram feed, I think the wall is morphed in almost all my attempts. Whether it’s prettier, skinnier, younger, etc. in our own unique messed up ways- we are continually trying to edit ourselves.
Does weight correlate to health? No. Everyone stores fat differently and everyone has metabolisms that run at different rates, so just because someone is visibly larger does not mean they’re not leading a healthy lifestyle. The number on the scale is not as telling as a person’s fat to muscle ratio, I think the Wii Fit is to blame for this obsession with BMI. More importantly, it is not your place to make that judgment if you are not a licensed professional in that field. The assumption that skinny equals healthy is a harmful correlation that’s projected in mainstream media too frequently. It has led to skyrocketing rates of eating disorders and a majority of people feeling as if they need to be thinner throughout their teen and adult lives. Luckily we’re beginning to see more ad campaigns that include women of all shapes and sizes. This is a step in the right direction, especially after so many years of only displaying plus-size women as a “before” picture.
This fear of not meeting a beauty standard doesn’t just affect our internal dialogue.
How does body insecurity affect someone’s sex life?
From my non-expert 20-year-old opinion, I believe there are many limitations that we put on ourselves and our sexual partner(s) when we’re not confident in our skin due to this fear of being vulnerable. Even though millenials are said to be “sex-positivity pioneers”, much of what I’ve heard proves that a good percentage of us are time traveling to the 1950’s when we get intimate. And I’m no exception, I’m an advocate for missionary position with all the lights off (roll down the shades, turn off the lamps, if we’re lucky there’ll be a power outage in the building, finger crossed a blackout in the city) because honestly I don’t want the man I’m sleeping with to know that my stomach exists and it enjoys jiggling. A lot. But let’s be real here, if a guy has seen you in a tight top, then he is well aware that you don’t have a 6 pack under there. And what’s even more mind blowing (I still don’t quite believe it) they usually don’t care! In probably 99% of sex scenes (again, not a real statistic) across both movies and porn there are both men with 6 pack abs and women with glowing skin sporting those flat bellies in the spotlight. If you have one of these body ideals, that’s awesome you’re the lucky ones. But there’s a huge array of different and equally healthy, beautiful body types out there, many of which never see the light of our screens. The average sized American woman is said to be 5’4″ and around 140 pounds, I don’t have to remind you that both that height and weight is almost never represented, so these self esteem issues are by no means unique.
So now you know you’re not alone. I am guilty of continually envying characteristics in other people, most of us are; “we want what we can’t have” is a popular saying for a reason. However, that being said, we’re all out here wishing we could be like or look like each other instead of just accepting “hey this is what I’ve got and I’m going to rock it.” You can call your stretch marks “tiger stripes” or “scars,” it’s up to you. Don’t beat yourself up for the habits you’ve had for years, just make some new and better ones on top of those.
And just sayin’ Marilyn Monroe was praised as the sexiest woman alive and she had a muffin top.
Lastly, if someone starts talking about hating their rolls, they better have a pan of burnt cinnamon rolls in their hands. Stop scheming to shrink yourself and instead walk and jiggle confidently, babe.