We all regard Valentine’s Day as being a holiday centred around couples, hearts and romance, but it can also be the perfect opportunity to show ourselves some of that same love, which in a generation of self-deprecating jokes and constant self-criticism, is more important that ever!
Yes, we as a generation experience more self-deprecation than ever and are officially in a self-love crisis! According to a study conducted by The Body Shop, one in every two people experience more self-doubt than self-love, and 60% of these participants wish they had more respect for themselves.
This is clearly a major problem, and this Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to start shifting our mindsets and embrace ourselves. After looking into it, I’ve broken self-love down into three main areas; mind, body and relationships. Of course, they all influence each other, but breaking it down makes the whole shift feel a lot less overwhelming!
Mind: Self-Love Starts with Your Mindset
If you want to start showing yourself some real self-love, it has to begin with your mindset. At the end of the day, self-love starts with how you see yourself, and as RuPaul says, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anybody else?”
This might sound obvious, but learning to give ourselves grace and stop being so overly critical is the first real step towards self-love. In a university environment especially, we’re constantly encouraged to critique our work, and the high standards we set for ourselves can quickly turn into pressure and self-deprication.
I know I’ve experienced this myself, and my biggest piece of advice would be to pay attention to the way you speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself! This mental shift has significantly improved the grace I give myself and stops me from being far too harsh with myself.
Body: Self-Love Through Movement, Rest and Nourishment
This next area relies just as heavily on emotional health as it does physical. We need to learn to love our bodies and start viewing exercise and eating as something we do for ourselves, rather than a way to punish ourselves. Mind Pump Media supports this with their campaign, “Work Out Because You Love Yourself, Not Because You Hate Yourself,” encouraging us to treat our bodies as something to be respected, not fixed.
Showing your body self-love can look like exercise and healthy eating, but these things don’t have to be extreme or destructive. When they come from a place of care rather than criticism, they become nourishing, allowing us to appreciate our bodies enough to give them what they truly need.
Sometimes self-love is simply knowing when to rest, when to skip the gym, and when to indulge without guilt. I’ve realized that when I move my body, or choose to rest, because I care about it rather than because I am trying to “fix” it, everything feels different. I feel better about myself and that shift in intention is where real self-love begins.
Relationships: Protect Your Self-love with Healthy Boundaries
The final area, and arguably the most important, is who you choose to surround yourself with. When I talk about relationships, I mean all of them, including: friendships, romantic relationships, and even the people you follow online. Ultimately, we are influenced by who and what we allow into our lives, and sometimes it can affect how we view ourselves.
In a generation where social media is part of our everyday routine, it’s so important to be mindful of the content and people we’re constantly consuming. In an interview with GRAZIA, Jameela Jamil and Sara Kuburic (The Millennial Therapist) urged young women to be careful about what they read, see and listen to, stressing the importance of showing up authentically.
Being authentic is such a huge part of self-love because it means you’re allowing yourself to exist as you truly are, without constantly editing your personality to fit in. The right relationships make that easier. They create a space where you don’t feel judged, where you don’t feel the need to perform, and where you are appreciated for your real self. And when you surround yourself with people who value you as you are, it becomes so much easier to value yourself too.
Taking a moment to reflect on whether the people and images you surround yourself with make you feel supported, respected, and valued is one of the most powerful steps you can take towards loving yourself. It can be difficult but it is worth it! It is the final, most crucial step to loving yourself, which can be hard but very rewarding.
So this Valentine’s Day, show up for yourself. Shift your mindset, recognise your needs, and be intentional about who and what you allow into your life. When you start there, self-love becomes less of an idea and more of a habit, which is exactly where real change begins.