If you have ever had a conversation with me for more than 20 minutes, you will more than likely have endured and experienced a wide array of intriguing, confusing, and thought-provoking questions. Whether spur of the moment, out of my imagination, or pulled from the never-ending list I keep in my notes app, my commitment to getting to know people –strangers or friends– better is admirable, if I do say so myself. While some favor sitting in comfortable silence, I much prefer to know how long it would take for you to notice if everyone in the world stopped sneezing, or what location you would choose to haunt if forced to an eternity in the ghost afterlife.
where it started:
My affinity for these questions originated in my Year 11 & 12 Literature class. Every afternoon, one of my peers or I would come up with a random, obscure question and pose it to the class for everyone to answer. These questions ranged from “what’s your dream job and why?” to “if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?” Walking into class every day, regardless of weather I was having a good or bad day, and knowing for certain my classmates and I would kill 20 minutes debating our favourite dog breeds, or the superior Ben and Jerry’s ice cream flavour not only provided comfort and guaranteed stimulating conversation, but I also learned so much about each of my peers that would have never happened without these silly questions. This sense of connection surged and enveloped our classroom, fostering deep relationships between even the most unlikely friends, and it remains one of my fondest memories from high school.
Why it matters:
Although seemingly trivial and insignificant, the importance of asking questions goes beyond learning their favorite smell or what color their tail would be if they were a mermaid. The answers to the questions provide true insight into how people think, act, and what they value; however, the real merit of questions like these lies in the space they create between the conversers. Opening up an area where the most important information to be discovered is something far-fetched and frivolous gets rid of any outside pressure to answer ‘correctly’ and allows you to just be. By loosening the constrictions and expectations of proper conversation, everyone engaged is brought down to the same level, proving that, at the end of the day, we are all human, which furthers this sense of connection. Additionally, these questions lay the groundwork for a potential deeper connection. While a conversation may start with what the biggest animal you could realistically beat in a fight, as more exchanges are made, it can evolve into deeper philosophical questions about death, family relationships, or shared experiences. The beautiful thing about asking a person a question is that you never know where it will take you. You could end up making a new friend, partner, or even just a friendly face you smile at in passing. Whatever the scenario, you will never regret putting yourself out there to better understand and connect with someone.
Put the questions to the test:
When I said I had an extensive list of questions in my notes app from the last few years, I was in no way, shape, or form exaggerating. Close to 100 (and counting) questions are at the ready for me to prompt a stranger or friend. These questions have served me well, so here are a few of my favorites to pull out next time the conversation runs dry:
- If you are on a long road trip and stop into a gas station to get one drink, one sweet treat, and one salty snack, which items are you choosing and why?
- If you were secretly keeping a huge collection of something in your basement, what would it be?
- Would you rather have to fight a rooster every time you got into a car or fight an orangutan randomly once a year?
- If you had to wash your brain, would you use hot or cold water?
- If your fingers were spouts for liquids, what liquids would you choose?
- It’s Thanksgiving, and a food fight breaks out – what dish are you choosing as your weapon?
- What is one thing you think is named perfectly?
- What song resonates with your childhood and why?
- If you could give a TED Talk about something you are passionate about, what would it be?
- If someone made an action figure of you, what accessories would it come with?
I hope these questions provide a necessary break in the ‘where are you from?’ and ‘what’s your major?’ conversations that seem to never end, and make space for laughter, joy, and connection. Happy asking!