Around 7 months ago right when I started my 3rd year and final year of college my lolo (grandpa in Filipino) was admitted in the hospital for having body pains. My family and I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal and thought he would come out of the hospital soon. Fast forward two months ago, I lost my lolo, and ever since then, life has felt different. One of the hardest parts about losing someone is realizing that the world keeps moving even when yours feels paused. It’s my last couple months of my undergrad journey, and while I’m supposed to be enjoying the last of my college months, I just lost my 2nd parent to me. I still had classes to attend, work shifts to show up to, assignments to finish, and people asking how I was doing, but underneath all of that was a sadness that followed me everywhere.
Growing up, my lolo was always someone who made me feel loved and cared for. Whether it was through small conversations, family gatherings, or simply his presence, he was a huge part of my life. My lolo played a big part in who I am today. I remember growing up, he was kind, loving, caring to my siblings and I, and always told us how important doing good in school was. Losing him made me realize how quickly life can change and how important it is to appreciate the people around us while we still can.
Before experiencing loss personally, I thought grief was just about feeling sad all the time until you get better. But I’ve learned that grief comes in waves. Some days feel normal, and then suddenly something small, like hearing a song, looking at an old photo, or remembering a memory, can bring all the emotions back again. There were also moments where I felt guilty for laughing or enjoying myself because part of me felt like I shouldn’t be happy while grieving. Over time, though, I realized healing does not mean forgetting someone. It simply means learning how to continue living while carrying their memory with you.
Although everyone handles grief differently, there are a few things that have genuinely helped me cope during the past couple of months.
- Feel Your EmotionsÂ
One thing that helped me was allowing myself to feel emotional instead of trying to ignore it. At first, I tried distracting myself with school, work, and staying busy because I didn’t want to fully process everything. But bottling up emotions only made everything feel heavier. I learned that it’s okay to cry, take breaks, and admit when you’re struggling.
- Take a BreakÂ
Another important thing I did was take a much-needed break. Since it was my last year of college, I’ve been maxing out my credits, working 3 jobs at a time, keeping up with my health, always socializing with friends and networking, planning my future while also dealing with my personal life. It was exhausting, and I was never really able to take breaks throughout this year, even during my winter or spring break. So when I had a weekend free from my jobs, and after my lolo’s funeral on the first of April, I took a vacation to San Diego with my boyfriend, which was very much needed. Although it was short, it helped clear my mind for the rest of the year.Â
- Spend Time with Loved OnesÂ
Something that also helped was spending more time with family and dogs at home. Losing someone reminds you how important family connections really are. Talking about memories of my lolo, looking through old pictures, and simply being around people who understood the loss made me feel less alone.
- Having a Good Routine
Keeping a good, planned-out routine also helped me more than I expected. Going to the gym, taking walks, journaling, or even just getting out of the house helped me clear my mind a little. Grief can make everything feel overwhelming, so having small routines and little plans gave me some sense of stability during a difficult time.
- There’s no Timeline
Most importantly, I’ve learned that healing does not have a timeline. Some people expect grief to disappear after a few weeks, but it doesn’t work like that. Certain days will feel harder than others, and that’s completely normal. Being patient with yourself is one of the most important parts of healing.
As I’m still grieving, there are moments when it still doesn’t feel real. At the same time, I’m also preparing to graduate from college in less than a month, something my lolo always wanted to see. He was supposed to watch me walk across that stage in person, and that thought still hurts deeply. But even through the sadness, I also feel incredibly grateful and blessed to have had him as my grandpa.Â
If there’s one thing losing my lolo taught me, it’s to appreciate people more deeply and express love while we still have the chance. Life can change unexpectedly, and sometimes we don’t realize how meaningful someone’s presence is until they’re gone. To anyone else currently grieving the loss of a loved one, just know that you are not alone. It’s okay to struggle, to feel emotional, and to heal at your own pace. Even though grief never fully disappears, love doesn’t either. The people we lose continue to live through our memories, the lessons they taught us, and the impact they had on our lives.