Megan?” I rolled over in bed to see my big brother standing in the doorway in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I mumble, “What do you want?” He hesitates a while, feeling the silence before finally getting out what he needed to say. “I have all my pills lined up on the counter. I’m trying to think of a reason not to take them all at once, go to sleep, and never wake up.” Bipolar Disorder (also called manic depression) is not quite as cut and dry as TV shows and comics like to portray it. The name even suggests an easy flip-flop of emotions. Happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, ANGRY!! It doesn’t work that way. Many collegiettes may experience bipolar behavior.
In real life, Bipolar Disorder is less a flipping coin and more a continuous cycle of ups and downs. It’s a roller coaster with no seatbelt. It can turn lives upside down. It can throw people into whirlpools of uncontrollable, terrifying emotions. It can destroy families. My brother is lucky to have survived some of the twists and turns. Getting through the tough times has given me the ability to give my fellow collegiettes some advice about mental health, family and the beauty of life.
“Am I acting bipolar, or am I a person who has Bipolar Disorder? What part of myself is my true personality, and what is the disease? If I take the medicine, do I still have a personality? Am I a person at all?”
Many sufferers of Bipolar Disorder have been diagnosed by the time they are our age, but according to a study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2010, the median age for diagnosis is about 25. However, even if someone has been diagnosed some time ago, they may not be well controlled. Sometimes, the diagnosis only makes the situation worse. Bipolar patients have a lot of problems with taking their medication as it is prescribed. To an outside observer, it seems crazy. “It helps you! TAKE IT!” What you might not realize are the emotional effects that being dependent on medication can create; an identity crisis forms. In order to rebel against the over-arching and controlling disease, a person may refuse to take his or her medication, insisting that it is to be handled by sheer willpower. It seems heroic to the sufferer, yet, delusional to the person who has watched it fail time and time again.
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To the sufferers:
You cannot cure yourself! The truth is, no one can cure you. Other people can help you only by being there to hold you when you cry. If you ask for advice, take it. If it is offered and you do not want it, let the person know. At the same time, realize that they only want you to be happy. Taking your medicine is not admitting defeat. The disease does not want you to be medicated and stable; it wants to control your life. Your medicine is the only way to fight back. The choice is yours.
What I can tell you is that every time I see one of my friends or family members obviously unmedicated, sleep deprived and manic, running roughshod over their relationships, I feel pain, too. Every time someone tells me that I couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to have a disease take over his or her life, I let out a wry laugh. You don’t have to have the disease to be affected by it. Sometimes, just watching a person you love destroy themselves trying to self-medicate can make you feel like you could fit right in at the mental hospital, too.
If you are struggling with Bipolar Disorder, don’t indulge in self-pity, ignoring the way you’re hurting everyone else. If you don’t take care of yourself, the people that love you will crumble just like you. You can convince yourself that you are unloved all you want, but every person in a family has a responsibility not to break everyone else’s hearts. Pay attention. Be a friend, brother, sibling, son, daughter or parent-not just a patient.
If you are collateral damage in a war against Bipolar Disorder, be understanding about the pain that everyone is feeling. Don’t try to shove pills down anyone’s throat (unless he or she is a minor and you are his or her parent: brush your teeth, take your meds. It is just a part of discipline.) Do not try to lecture him or her with all the objective scientific knowledge you picked up in PSY102. That stuff doesn’t help in real life. Finally, don’t try to tell everyone else, who is just as affected as you, that you are alone in your struggles because you are “so much closer, so much more involved” than he or she is. You are probably wrong. You have a responsibility, too. Don’t be selfish, and don’t languish in self-pity at the expense of the family. Wake up. Everyone is in this together. Never let anyone feel differently.
If you or someone you know is experiencing extreme life threatning behavior, don’t take it lightly. Many universities offer free and around the clock counseling. Visit the Southern Miss Counseling Center for more information. The Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK also can make a difference.
Sources: Journal of Affective Disorders
Photo Credit: Upstep Health