If you have seen the social media trend with the same title, the purpose behind it is to think about how an individual has changed over time. If I could go back in time to give my younger self advice, this is what I would say: growth is not always dependent on age; rather experience. Growth starts from understanding what keeps you in place; from there, you can move forward. Now that I’m in my 20s, I have experienced personal growth and have gained insight into what it means to “become the best version of yourself.” Life is never a walk in the park. Each chapter is different; but I believe you can’t become the best version of you unless you sit down and acknowledge that change for the better is necessary. I would argue the best way to start would be to make a list of what you wish you knew earlier, not to hurt you but to help you.
never shrink yourself to fit in with others
You are not meant for everyone, and that’s okay.
As a self-identified “hopeless romantic,” I have a big heart and feel EVERYTHING deeply. In the past, I often felt “too much.” On multiple occasions, I would overreact to the smallest things, feel regret for weeks, and read too far into situations. My emotions always got the best of me, and I often self-sabotaged. (If this sounds like you, I GET IT). Here’s the thing: your heart and emotions are YOURS. Why would you let someone else, who is NOT you, make you feel as though you need to downplay who you are? Feeling deeply is not a weakness; instead, having a big heart and loving others the way you do is a BLESSING.
The other side to not shrinking yourself to please others is knowing when to have the hard conversations. As I said earlier, I feel everything deeply, and because of my big heart, my emotions are big (even the not-so-good ones). When something hurts or bothers you, speak up and don’t shrink yourself just because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Coming from a people pleaser, I have been learning that life gets a little bit easier when you can freely communicate your emotions. I have learned to say to people, “please don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings,” not because I’m inviting them to hurt me, but because when you communicate that, you notice QUICKLY whether someone is or is not for you.
While you may not be able to change people, you are able to change who you surround yourself with, and if you feel like you are unable to be yourself where you are— don’t be afraid to walk away for the better. One of my very good friends helped me understand this idea a little better: “You don’t have to try hard to be liked. If you are trying too hard, then are people really liking the real authentic you? You should be free to be the person you are…” Never apologize for the way that you were created: there is only one of YOU for a reason! Who you are meant for will love and respect you as you are.
The ‘tell them’ theory
Life is short; say the thing. If you notice something that you like about someone, tell them!
Communication is a beautiful thing, even if what’s said is simple. I understand that it can be intimidating to speak to new people, but you shouldn’t be nervous or afraid to spread kindness. If you like someone’s outfit, compliment them; if you like someone’s ambition, say something. If something stands out to you about someone, bring it up. If you care about someone, SAY IT! It’s important to be kind to YOURSELF, and it’s just as important to speak life over people in your community— you never know if someone may need it.
Reflecting on past situations, I often think, “I wish I had said that when I had the chance.” Knowing this now, I try to seize an opportunity the moment I see it. For example, I once said to a friend of mine, “You know what I like about you? You have a good attitude with just about anything.” This is a perfect example of speaking love over others, and that’s so valuable. Saying how you feel about things is better for everyone in the long run. Honestly, there is power in what we say, and it’s beautiful to speak your mind and speak life over others— even if it feels intimidating or stressful. It’s better to say how you feel in the moment, even if it’s scary, than to regret not saying anything at all.
Comparison is the thief of joy
You could be the prettiest shade of blue; that won’t matter to someone whose favorite color is red, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t perfect as you are… Oceans are beautiful; so are roses.
Comparison can destroy individuality. How much of your life is yours if you are spending your time comparing your life to someone else’s? Each person on this earth is unique; that’s what makes life interesting. As I previously stated, there is only one of you, and that’s the beauty of it. You won’t be able to love yourself if you don’t see what is unique about you. I wish my younger self knew the SECOND you begin comparing yourself to others around you, you risk losing yourself. Growing up, I would often compare myself to my peers; trying to be “like” them as much as possible, because I assumed life would get easier that way. However, once you see how intentionally you were created, you stop caring about what you don’t have, what you’re missing, or what’s “wrong about you” (There is more to life than that).
People are not flawless, that is what makes us unique and human. I know I am 100% guilty of comparing myself to others in the past— especially on social media. I know we’ve all heard it: social media is a highlight reel of your life, and people show what they want to. Here’s the thing: your life is not someone else’s, NOBODY has it all figured out, and you are not behind. Every person on this earth is on a different timeline. Focus on yours.
CREATE MORE THAN YOU CONSUME
We hear this phrase a lot; I’ve seen so many videos saying, “girl to girl, we need to be more creative.” I believe that’s true because I have fallen guilty to scrolling on social media for HOURS when I could be spending my time being creative by writing, drawing, coloring, painting, etc. In my experience, when I spend hours consuming content on social media, I feel drained and exhausted.
Recently, however, I have had more time to be creative, and I enjoy getting the opportunity to use creativity as an outlet for expression. In my time being creative this summer, I have been able to pick up more hobbies: oil pastel art, drawing, journaling, dancing, and content creation. Ultimately, PUT THE PHONE AWAY! Creativity can bring a sense of peace that sometimes consuming content does not. I have learned that when I get to be creative, I am learning more about myself, and I believe that creativity is beneficial for everyone.
Learn to love the space in between
Growth is never linear; people go through different seasons of life, and I have been learning that each one teaches you something different. Sometimes it can feel like you’re “stuck” or in between seasons in your life; where you’re not sure what the next chapter looks like for you. Now being in my 20s, I understand that there is value in not knowing what comes next— you get to enjoy where you are. As I reflected over the summer, I realized that because I spend so much time thinking about the past and what could’ve been, as well as what will be in the future, I’m not enjoying where I am now. I know being between chapters of life can feel frustrating or confusing, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and becoming the best version of yourself.
START BEFORE YOU’RE READY
Ready is not a feeling; ready is a decision. If you wait to be ready, you’ll never start.
Whether it’s for a new job, a project, or starting a new hobby, if you wait for the perfect moment, you’ll miss the opportunity. You may face challenges and struggles along the way, but when a desire to accomplish something is put on your heart, go for it. Life on this earth is too short not to live the life you want. I believe starting sooner does no harm because at least you BEGAN; however, the longer you put off the life you want, there is the possibility of regret.
You shouldn’t care what others think, or stress over whether you are “good enough.” Remember, your life is yours, and no one can live it for you! My advice: start sooner rather than later. What are you waiting for?
SOMETIMES, YOUR PERSPECTIVE MATTERS MORE THAN THE SITUATION
Every season has its ups and downs. Over this past summer, I did a lot of self-reflection due to some tough situations. While I had some frustrating moments, I learned a lot! The way that you look at life impacts your reality, and your perception influences how you handle situations in life. During this time of introspection, I would argue I was in a season of “detachment” from others because I wanted to spend more time going through personal growth, and it was often difficult for me to understand why tough situations were happening. Looking back, I learned that if you change your perspective from what happened to why it happened, you can move forward. Your perspective allows you to see either the good in every situation or the bad; it’s up to you!
Final Thoughts
Slow down, you’re doing just fine! You go through a lot of personal growth when you’re in college: you meet your people, your mistakes become new life lessons, and you learn more about who you are as an individual. We are still emerging adults and have all entered a new stage of life. Be kind to yourself and be thankful for the person you are, and the person you are becoming. Be someone who makes younger you proud!