I was hanging out with a guy friend a while back, and I asked him how it was going with his girlfriend. His response was off-putting: “Ah man, it’s shitty. She’s crazy”. Um. Red light. I asked him what she did that was so “crazy.” According to him, she wanted to go out on dates more often– which he thought was unreasonable because they lived together. So, they saw each other all the time.
…
Now let me say I have heard reasonably nutty stories. Girls have trapped guys with a pregnancy, stalked them and/or their exes, stolen from them, lied to them, the usual. But why, oh why, is it always the crazy GIRL friend? Why is there no “psycho boyfriend” meme? It’s a pretty pathetic stereotype to teach us; men are from Mars, women are from Venus, men are stupid, women are crazy.
I’ve noticed that “crazy” has become a blanket term for describing any behavior exhibited by a girl that guys deem undesirable. Don’t DTR (define the relationship) too soon, or you’ll look desperate. Don’t put out on the first date or you’ll look slutty. Don’t wait too long, or you’ll lose him! Guys don’t like girls who don’t fuck. Don’t be so sassy, so nerdy, so bossy, just don’t exist. She talks too much about “us”. She wants to do stuff all the time. She’s a feminist.
* barf *
And the most commonly tossed-out phrase, the cover-all explanation offered to explain this behavior to their bros, is “idk man she’s crazy”.
My lovely ex called me “a piece of work” because while at a party I asked him to drive me home so I could take my birth control. Like…???? So unreasonable. So crazy. Same guy, later in the relationship, I was tired of the open relationship and wanted to be exclusive or I wanted to end it. Guess what??? I was crazy.
I’m extra done with this whole stereotype. Women who express their needs and desires in a relationship are demonized for being too needy or too emotional and this translates to crazy. It’s outright sexist because with the same breath our patriarchal society teaches men that women are a mystery and are impossible to understand; that men don’t discuss their feelings; women are just needy, ball-and-chain, money draining bitches.
Bottom line: calling your girlfriend crazy for expressing herself and having opinions (god forbid amiright) and trying to get what she wants from a relationship (oh heaven forbid) is dehumanizing. It’s shaming us into hiding our personalities and making us miserable.