Dear boy at the party,
You came up to me and my group of friends at the party this weekend. You introduced yourself to me and tried to shake my hand as if you were a complete stranger, when in reality I know exactly who you are.
I met you around a year ago through a mutual friend. I always thought you were polite and had a good sense of humor. We bumped into each other at a party during Spring semester of 2016 and we had a conversation about everything that was going on. We talked about school, how our mutual friend was doing, etc. After a few minutes, I excused myself to go to the restroom, and I don’t remember inviting you to come with. After I used the restroom and while I was putting my pants back up, you decided it was okay to walk in there as if the restroom was not occupied. You watched me button my pants, wash my hands, and awkwardly stand there as I questioned your presence. You stood at the door, and tried to convince me to kiss you, and whenever I tried to open the door you did not move to let me out. Instead, you tried to give me reasons on why I should kiss you. I’d only had a few drinks that night so it was not hard for me to push you away and eventually, leave the restroom. When we went downstairs, you followed me around and expressed your anger by calling me names and claiming I had led you on when in reality I was trying to avoid you that whole night. When I was waiting for my taxi, you kept nagging and nagging even after my friends had also asked you to leave us alone.
related article – http://www.hercampus.com/school/sonoma-state/breaking-down-stanford-rapi…
That night is going to stay with me forever, because what would have happened if I had been unable to push you away and you’d taken further action? Thinking of an alternative to that ending scares me because anything could have happened. And if something would have happened, would society put the blame on me even when in reality I had no fault in this? Would I had been like every other case where the victim gets the fault and blame but the assaulter simply gets told to just not do it again? When I told others about what had happened, the majority of them said they had been in an incident similar to mine or worse, and that frightens me. Because of boys like you, girls like me are afraid to do simple tasks in new environments like going to the restroom alone. Earlier this month, I met a girl, a complete stranger, who asked me to accompany her to the restroom because she did not want to be in there by herself and had lost her friends. And now that I know what can happen by going to the restroom alone at a party, I don’t think I’d ever allow myself or anyone I know to go without company.
The worst part, is that these incidents are not isolated. According to rainn.org, women from the age of 18-24 that attend college are three times more likely to be assaulted than others. We as a society need to come together and realize that this is a problem that isn’t going to fix itself. Sexual assault is not only possible, it’s happening, and no woman out there deserves to feel unsafe like that. I have always heard people joke around about girls going to the bathroom in groups. Now I know why.
If you or someone you know has been effected and needs help, please visit Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) on the Sonoma State campus in Stevenson Hall or go to http://www.sonoma.edu/hr/titleix/ for more help.