Rebecca Robinson
Let me tell you a secret: she wishes she was like you, too.
This is something I have to remind myself almost daily. In a society where women are constantly pitted against each other, it’s become almost impossible to not compare yourself to the people around you. It can happen anywhere; when you’re walking down the street, sitting in the library, or scrolling through Instagram. We see something in someone else that reminds us of our own insecurities, and it’s all downhill from there.
But I’m here to remind you that we aren’t all in the same place or doing the same things, and that’s okay. The talents and skills we each possess often get diminished by our own jealously and longing of what others have, but the more you think about it, the more you’ll come to realize this makes no sense. Where did we learn to dismiss ourselves?
I think it began at a young age. Jealousy, the simple act of wanting what someone else has, is programmed directly into our instincts. It starts with toys, dessert, maybe even your arch nemesis’s magic set. Slowly, we long for attention. I can’t count the amount of times I wished I was ‘popular’. The first time I remember wishing I was like someone else was in 3rd grade, when I crossed my fingers and wished I could have pretty eyes like my best friend at the time. See, she didn’t wear glasses, but I did. I thought the attention she was receiving had to do with the fact that she didn’t have metal rims around her eyes. To be entirely honest, I don’t think anyone else ever noticed my glasses as much as I did, but I slowly began to hate their weight against my face. This led all the way into high school, where I truly thought that my friends wouldn’t want to hang out with me on days where I wore my glasses instead of my contacts. I slowly began to equate my glasses with being worth less.
I think that’s truly the root of the issue. When we see someone else who embodies something we want, whether it’s in their outward appearance or their successes in life, we automatically consider ourselves less worthy. Sometimes we go as far as to literally dehumanize ourselves, simply because we lack something that someone else has achieved.
In the age of social media, where everyone’s lives are on display, this is especially dangerous. I don’t know about you, but I find myself comparing my life to others all the time! I scroll through Instagram and see someone accomplishing something I haven’t quite reached, and I forget that I have made amazing leaps and bounds in my own life, too. The thing about social media is that we only broadcast the things we want. There are some people who are good at this, really good at this, and have made their lives seem fabulous. We see them traveling, losing weight, rocking that bikini on the beach, or working at an awesome internship. Their life seems to be a 9/10, and we see ours at a 4/10. But here’s what we often forget: we’re broadcasting our life at a 9/10, too, and maybe they see their life at a 4/10. Everything on our favorite social media sites is an illusion created by people who are probably just as insecure as we are (I mean hell, we were all taught by society to be insecure about ourselves).
So what’s a woman to do in a world where it feels like we just can’t win? Deleting your Facebook or Instagram isn’t going to solve your problem, because let’s be real, we do this offline too. I think we all know the buzzword “self-esteem,” but truthfully, I think it goes past that. ‘Self-compassion’ is the word you’re looking for. So you aren’t going to graduate in 4 years? You, and a majority of college students in this generation. Maybe you haven’t quite lost the weight you’ve been trying to lose? Me too, honey. Maybe you lost the internship, or didn’t get the job, or didn’t go on a lavish Spring Break. The most important thing you can remember is that you are not behind, you are exactly where you need to be.
Be happy for the people who are succeeding, because kindness is one of the best emotions you can feel. Congratulate your friends, smile at the woman walking by, and give yourself a break. Someone else’s success is not at the expense of your own.
Dr. Seuss said it best: You are you, that is truer than true, and there is no one alive, who is youer than you.
That’s enough.