The conversation always starts out the same way. As most college students do, we start talking about our futures with idealistic thoughts and big eyes. Where do we want to be in 10 or so years? For most, the plan is to graduate in four years, begin our careers in teaching or the business world and by 25 get married with kids soon to come. At this exact point, I bring the conversation to a screeching stop and exclaim that I don’t want kids til I am at least 35…or not at all.
I am always met with shocked faces and worried eyes followed up by the usual shout of “35?!” It then proceeds into a lecture about how it’s more dangerous to have kids at that age or I’m asked “how I could not want babies?” As they scrape for the answer I am always very calm with my response.
For me it’s simple; I am an 18 year old college freshman who becomes terrified at the thought of having kids and a spouse in the near future because the only path I see for myself is one with grueling hours, lots of travel, and interesting people. I understand the complications of post grad life and know I am gonna have some pretty shitty low paying or not paying jobs along the way to becoming a respected journalist, and I know that doesn’t even pay well. I want to have a long career built on my ability to do whatever I want without a person or persons holding me back.
Once I state my piece, most people come to the conclusion that I just haven’t been around kids a lot or that I hate them, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I am the oldest of three, I grew up babysitting and eventually got a job with kids at a family beach club in my hometown. I have changed diapers, prepared food and played with countless kids throughout my life and have seen first hand how hard it is to be a mother, especially a stay at home one. I honestly believe that stay at home moms are the most under appreciated people on the planet who deserve to be paid six figure salaries for all they do, but I don’t know what’s in the cards for me.
I don’t know what my future holds and I never will. If I do decide to have kids one day, I hope that it’s with a guy that respects that I won’t ever be a stay at home mom. But, if I don’t, I will not be that older woman in the movies who “regrets” not having kids because she is lonely. Not having kids in my 20’s is just the path I see for myself and that I plan to stick to, but that’s just me.