“Find yourself an obedient wife.”
I cringed. My neck retracted, shoulders went up, face fossiled, hands trembled, and my hair stood as if I were electrified. It was a family get together — one my family has not had in a long time. My 46 year-old-uncle decided to give my 24-year-old brother some tips to find the perfect woman. And “obedience” was that advice.
My family has always been traditionally Christian. And I have also accepted my faith and am a part of the Protestant faith. But ever since I willingly became Christian, I see the flaws in so many Christians, including my own family’s. How can they preach about love, compassion, and humility, while at the same time constantly judging and hypocritically putting people in a class based on their gender and sexuality? How can they call themselves Christians when all the evil they are perpetrating, they are doing under the name of their supposed faith?
My uncle immediately chuckled at my reaction and said “obedience is a Confucius word, isn’t it?” and my grandmother attempted to salvage the damage by stating that “respecting” may be a more suitable word to describe a healthy relationship between spouses. Our family meeting ended without much drama after that, yet I was seething with rage, disappointment, sorrow, and embarrassment. The audacity of my uncle to dare to give such inflammatory and sexist advice to my older brother (who is also a conservative Christian) in the presence of my mother, aunt, grandma, me, and my 11-year-old cousin sister —his own daughter— was triggering at the least. What was he thinking? Is this what he is really made of? I grew up in a household in which I never experienced any sexist treatment as far as I remember. I have an older brother, and for what I know all the conflicts or quarrels we had were those of any other siblings, not of gender and sexism. And to stumble upon a comment so outrageous and outdated like “find yourself an obedient wife” was a complete blow to my head.
This winter break I am returning to South Korea where my family lives. Without a doubt, there will be another family gathering in the spirit of the Holiday season. Christmas, the birth of Baby Jesus — and all I can wish for Christmas is to clench my teeth, bite my tongue, and get through it. Little do they know, my cross to bear is them.