How to Get Over the Boy You Never Had

Getting over your ex-boyfriend is hard. But getting over your long-term crush? Now that can be even harder.

Love and dating coach Shallon Lester would agree. She explains in her video series how in a break up, breaking up with someone can actually be easier.  There are probably some negative qualities about that person that led to the break up, or were revealed as a result of it. You can get closure. However, when the person you are trying to get over is absolutely perfect in your eyes, finding these unfavorable traits to acknowledge is nearly impossible.

To help make your transition from “single” to “available” that much easier, I’ve combined some of the best advice I’ve heard over this scenario. 

But, if you’re like me, nothing between the relationship between you two will change. And that’s the issue. You are spending all of this extra time and energy dreaming and imagining, but in reality you’re just stressing and worrying.  Sometimes it’s better to suffer a little and get over this “perfect” guy so you can free up the emotional time and availability to be caught off guard by an even better one. One that will think about you in the way you've been thinking about this “perfect” guy. 

Here are some of my tips to get over your long-term crush that just isn’t getting anywhere. They may be a little hard to hear, but trust me; You need to hear them.

1. Movies are unrealistic. 

Spoiler alert; Jake Ryan doesn't exist. I KNOW. It stinks! But we have to be confident and sure enough in ourselves to accept that the world doesn’t work like Hollywood says it does. And Jake Ryan? He is a fictional character that was made up by writers, trying to target the emotional insecurities in young girls. (Like you). This may sound harsh, but you need to realize that life isn’t that easy, and that’s ok! Because you know what? It gives you the freedom to focus on yourself, not the guys around you that are just making you overthink things and stress yourself out.

2. No guy is perfect.

On a similar note, no guy is perfect. Just like no girl is perfect! If you feel yourself clinging on the ideas and daydreams about that one guy you’ve talked to once, it’s probably because that’s all they are: dreams. You have put this guy on a pedestal, and you’re probably cutting him way too much slack, as you want him to be that spectacular gentlemen you think about all day. But if we’re going to be honest, he’s probably nowhere near that guy. He probably doesn't write letters or crave cuddly-movie nights like you’ve been telling yourself he does. Especially in college, most guys are not mature enough to think like you. You have to come to the truth that, odds are, he isn't secretly writing you poetry.

3. Don’t save yourself for someone who isn’t looking for you.

Now, these words might be the hardest ones to hear. Trust me, I know. If you have been crushing on this person for a while, and absolutely nothing has changed, you might need to accept the fact that it might never. Of course I think it’s important to introduce yourself and give it a chance, but you have to realize that after a certain point you’re only going to be hurting yourself.

Crushing on a guy is all fun and games until it isn’t anymore. There comes a time when you feel the need to sit down and have a conversation with yourself- is practically obsessing over this guy helping or hurting me more? If you’re unsure of the answer, it’s probably the second one. It sucks. trust me, I’ve been there more times than I can count.

If you leave this article remembering one thing, please let it be this: he’s not perfect. He may be really cute and totally dreamy, but sometimes you need to just let go and put yourself first. I know how hard it is to let go of a dream, but you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if the image of you all together in your mind if giving you more pleasure or pain.

If the answer is pain, it’s probably time to move on and focus on the guys that you do know. But don’t think that you “didn't get him” or that you “don’t deserve him” for one second. After all:

You’re not “giving up”, you’re moving on.