I’ve always had this thing (I think maybe everyone does?) about reinventing myself in the new year: about being a totally new and better human being. And then, around January 3rd, that felt pretty old. I was working the same job over winter break that I absolutely hated. I was still the same person in the same routine I had been days before the new year. And I think only around now, late January, while being back at school, did I realize that my new year’s resolution did not have to be a reinvention of myself. First, that would be far too difficult to manage. And two, I don’t really want to change myself in my entirety. There are things, however, that I know that I cannot only improve about myself but which will also improve the rest of what I do. So, this semester, I’ve decided the only resolution on my list is to be kinder to myself. Other years, my resolutions had been rooted in ways to better myself that only ended in my feeling disappointed in myself: getting better skin, losing weight, things of that like. And while those are fine goals in principle, and would probably be nice to achieve, the disappointment in the lack of progress despite hard work was far more detrimental than were the feelings of success. I instead would rather focus, especially this semester, to give myself room for failure and for error. I think that I have, in my nature, oftentimes fixated on the things I have to do: the homework I have yet to start, or the winter body I have that has yet to start its slow transformation into its summer form. Things take time. And not everything has to happen at once. I have always had trouble feeling guilty about not being so on top of things. But, as it would appear, everyone has a little bit of ~shitshow~ in them. It comes with the territory. So instead of getting mad at myself for not doing my homework immediately as I get it, or even before midnight the night prior to its due date, I have decided it’s okay to not have everything together and complete all the time. How much fun would that be? So I am currently sitting in my bed watching a pirated version of Slumdog Millionaire on Youtube surrounded by three different bags of chips. And while there are certainly other things I could and most certainly should be doing, I think it is more important to know your limits and be understanding with yourself about what is good for you/what you need in certain moments. It’s more than okay to prioritize some things more than others, knowing you are making your best choices for you. Being kind to yourself is so much more than just practicing self-care (which is also so important!). It is about knowing that regardless of everything you have done or have yet to do, you are still worthy of being able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself. There is a huge difference between being stagnant and stuck in one place, and being okay with where you’re at, knowing your potential. It is important, at least it has been to me, to remember that you can be satisfied with yourself while also having hopes and dreams for the future. That is the kind of acceptance you deserve. Your only certain permanent relationship is with yourself and it is essential that you work to give yourself the same kind of love you would to a partner.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SMCVT chapter.