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Sex + Relationships

Why It’s Okay To Be Alone

After four years in a relationship, I was shocked when I found myself alone. All alone. Why does this word have negative connotation to it? Why is it viewed as such a bad thing to be alone? I find now that I relish being alone; I love it. Whether you’ve never been in a relationship, are in one currently, or just got out of one, it’s important to know that it’s more than okay to be on your own every once in a while.

After my breakup, I was lost. I hadn’t been on my own in over four years. What was I supposed to do now? Well, I wallowed for a bit, as we all do. Maybe longer than I was supposed to, but who’s keeping track? Slowly, I began to realize a few things that had not crossed my mind in years. I began to discover what I liked to do on my own. I began to think of myself first. What a crazy notion right? I read more. Went to coffee shops by myself. Grew in my friendships. Took myself out on a few dates. Talked to my mother more often. And really began to look at myself. I needed to rediscover who I was. What I believed outside of someone else’s influence. For so long I had defined myself by my relationship, and it’s a little sad that I needed to get out of one to realize that I alone defined myself.

I learned so much about myself being on my own. I faced challenges that I, myself had to solve. I became more independent and in my independence started to embrace myself. I was free. Free to make my own decision and be alone, in my solitude. Plus, I was never actually alone. Sure, I wasn’t in a relationship, but I was surrounded by people who loved and supported me. I realized that I am more than okay on my own. I am a capable woman. I am the best company I know and I can make myself laugh harder than just about anyone. I am focused on my health, both mental and physical. I have grown in my friendships, figured out my interests, read a few good books, and really, truly become comfortable with who I am.

Looking back, I realized that while I was in my relationship I was happy, but I was young. I hadn’t had time to invest in the most important relationship yet, the one with myself. I am grateful for this time that I have had to grow and evolve in myself. I have spent a lot of the past few months embracing who I am in my solitude. Being alone doesn’t mean we are isolated. It means we have to opportunity to look inward, reflect, and do the things we enjoy. In an odd way, I am thankful for my breakup. It forced me to invest in a relationship with myself, and for that I am eternally grateful. I encourage all of you, in a relationship or not, to spend some time investing in yourself. Figure out who you are outside of your relationships. Be alone for a while.

Currently studying Social Work and Women's and Gender studies at SLU. Passionate about self love, good reads and eats, intersectional feminism, and adventuring to new places. 
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