I am dreading the day the clock strikes May. Four years ago, you would find me saying the same thing, but for different reasons.
Graduating from high school meant leaving everything behind: my school, my hometown friends, the streets I grew accustomed to driving around, the parking lots where I learned how to drive, the drive-thrus that my friends and I ordered hefty amounts of food and the familiarity of the neighborhood I called home for so long. I had to leave the place where I was born and raised.
As May approached, all I did was cry, complain and wither in my anxiety of what the future held. Would I be able to make friends at the university I would attend? What if I hated my major? What if the classes were too hard? What if I hated the dorm life? Fear and nerves flooded my senses most days, preventing me from being hopeful or even optimistic.
Little did I know that the four years I dreaded so much would become the best four years of my life. It did not matter that I was not strolling the streets of my hometown, Collierville, Tennessee, with my best friends by my side. I had found a new safe space in college, new close friends and new routines and habits that became my new normal, my new comfort zone.
Now, I find myself saying the same thing as I transition into post-grad life and medical school. Once again I dread the day the clock strikes May. The emotions are the same, but now they are tied to a completely different city, different people and a different home.
The memories from fast food drive-thru runs I still hold near to my heart were replaced by ten-minute, karaoke-filled drives to the nearest coffee shop. My roommates and I tried new ones every couple of weeks — and we all have very strong opinions on which ones are the best. Late-night FaceTime gossip sessions became nights filled with face-to-face conversations with my freshman year roommate about everything under the sun. The heavy sigh of relief when I got off the bus in high school and sank into my parents’ leather couches matched the cozy apartment living room I came back to after a long day of lectures, meetings and extracurriculars.
College became my home away from home, a place that now feels just as difficult to imagine leaving as Collierville once did.
So yes, I still dread the arrival of May. But these four years have taught me something bigger. Having to leave a place that you have called home will always be bittersweet, but it is important to remember the sweet in bittersweet. This time is not simply a painful departure from everything you hold dear. It is also a shift that leaves space open for new things to greet you, shape you and help you become the person you are meant to be.
Dread when the clock strikes May. But embrace its arrival with open arms, and you might just be pleasantly surprised.