Though “girlhood” has recently become a coined term, stemming from the box office hit, “Barbie,” this invisible concept has existed for as long as I can remember in my 21 years of living. Girlhood is one of the most cherished aspects of my life. In the past year and a half, I have learned the incredible importance of having a group of girls who stand by you even when you feel like the world is against you.
Having close female friends is a new experience for me. Growing up, I craved a best friend. Now, I not only have one but many incredible women in my life that I consider my best friends. I finally feel like I am living life. I discover every day exactly why female friendships are so fulfilling.
Earlier this year, I read “Everything I Know About Love,” by Dolly Alderton, and it changed my life. Alderton’s memoir is a collection of pivotal moments in her life that led her to the realization that love was all around her; it was in her friends, and it was never fleeting. Alderton’s story was eye-opening, not because the book told me things I did not know, but because it reminded me of all the times in my life when I have taken my friends for granted. It grounded me. It felt like the book knew I had forgotten one of the most important values in my life, smacking me in the face using humor and truth as a wake-up call. I was reminded of how valuable true, genuine and unconditional love exists outside romantic relationships. This love can be felt most deeply from your best friends.
After reading Alderton’s book, I searched for more media that would give me the same kind of serotonin. I decided to watch “Sex and the City.” I watched it mostly out of annoyance because it kept popping up on the home screen of my Netflix account, and I wanted it to go away, except by the end of the first episode, I was hooked.
I plowed through all six seasons of “Sex and the City” incredibly quickly. I realized I had severely misjudged the content simply because I thought the title said it all. My internalized misogyny stopped me from discovering a show that served as a beautiful reminder of how important female friendships are.
The show has a humorous, raunchy, effortless and raw way of approaching the realities of adult female friendships. It was placed into my life at the perfect moment. I related to all the main characters — Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes and Samantha Jones — successful women living in the heart of Manhattan in their mid-thirties and early forties. Women juggling their jobs, friendships, fun and men.
Though I do not quite relate to the women living in New York City, I can relate to their questionable and downright toxic actions, like plastering an ex’s face all across New York City, calling him a cheater. I could also relate to Samantha breaking up with a man because she realized that she loved herself too much to settle for something less than what she deserved in a relationship.
One moment that always comes to mind when talking to my friends about how relatable the show is was in season six, when Carrie got broken up with via a sticky note. It read, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” I related to the kind of relationship she had with Jack Berger. They would have good days and bad days. They avoided conflict to keep the peace, even though it was killing both of them inside.
I also related to how his deep-set insecurities affect Carrie. Through all the toxicity of Carrie and Berger’s relationship, there was still an undeniable spark that both of them clung to the detriment of each other’s growth. Everything in Carrie’s life reminded her of Jack Berger. Carrie wanted to share all of her good, strange and funny moments with him. Above all, I related to the fact that Carrie was driven insane by the breakup and processed it by ranting to her friends over and over again. Her friends could not escape her crazy way of coping, letting her do what she needed to do and supporting her regardless.
At the end of the day, I am just a girl. No one will ever understand the female experience like another girl can. No one will ever challenge you as hard as your best friends.
There have been countless times in my friendships where we have fought tooth and nail, been angry with each other and tried to insert ourselves into situations where all we needed from each other was support. But because of these experiences, my friendships have been able to grow deeper. Sometimes fighting is the answer! And I say this with so much love. Letting out all your frustrations can lead to mutual understanding.
“Sex and the City” taught me that fighting with your friends is a part of life, it is normal. To villainize conflict or avoid it can cause more harm than good. The women of this show taught me that it is okay to disagree with the people you love most, as long as there is forgiveness served as dessert.
Most importantly, “Sex and the City” made me realize that although every girl has completely different experiences, somehow, another girl has felt the exact same way. Sometimes with the same thought process and sometimes the same toxic (but incredibly relatable and real) reactions.
Female friendships are so important. Your best friends relieve you from the shame society puts on you for simply being a woman, reminding you that you are human and that they love you no matter what.