Most people would argue that they live their lives morally. However, it is not possible to be moral all of the time. We all make questionable decisions that affect others to different extents. To clarify, let us establish a definition of morality. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, morality can be defined as “a set of personal or social standards for good or bad behavior and character.” Obviously, there are certain actions or traits that are universally bad or good. But the interpretation of those actions based on context or personal belief may differ greatly.Â
When it boils down to it, our morals depend on our beliefs and the environments we were nurtured or live in. Someone who grew up in a rural, conservative, small town may have a different set of personal and social standards than someone who grew up in a suburb of a very liberal, large city. Likewise, someone coming from a religious, immigrant background may differ greatly from someone raised in a secular household with no strong cultural traditions.
If our definitions of morality differ, how can we set a blanket statement of who is moral and who is not? Philosophers have wrestled with this question for centuries. Eighteenth-century philosopher Immanuel Kant, for example, argued that morality was rooted in absolute duties, not feelings or outcomes; certain actions are always right or always wrong regardless of circumstance. Utilitarians like 19th-century philosopher John Stuart Mill, on the other hand, claimed that the morality of an action depends on its consequences. These frameworks expose just how slippery and complex the notion of morality is. What looks like a moral failure in one worldview may appear as a justified or even virtuous act in another.
This is where my belief comes into play. I believe that we all exist in the moral gray. None of us are inherently good or bad, and most of us do not act with the deliberate intention to cause harm. However, we do make nuanced decisions that cannot be neatly categorized as good or bad.
Consider choices you make every day. You might lie on a resume to secure an internship, buy fast fashion knowing its environmental costs or keep a friend’s secret even if it could cause them pain later. These are not simple matters of right and wrong; they are compromises, trade-offs and judgments made within a messy social world. To exist in the moral gray is simply to exist as a human being, constantly balancing personal needs, social expectations and ethical principles.
I have always enjoyed novels and television with characters who exist in the moral gray because they reflect how life really works. Over the summer, I read “The Henna Artist” by Alka Joshi, which follows Lakshmi, a young woman tasked with caring for her sister after their parents’ death. To make a living, Lakshmi works as a henna artist for the elite British of Jaipur, with side businesses in secret alternative abortion medicine and other treatments for women’s reproductive needs. She also participates in an affair with a married man and makes other questionable choices. Depending on someone’s beliefs about abortion, tradition or fidelity, Lakshmi may appear either morally admirable or morally corrupt. In truth, she exists in the gray; a person trying to survive, help others and pursue her own happiness, while inevitably making choices that some will condemn.
Across cultures and history, the moral gray has always been present. Practices once seen as acceptable, such as arranged marriages or dueling to protect honor, are now widely condemned or modified. Meanwhile, modern issues like digital privacy, climate responsibility and reproductive rights divide opinion across cultural, political and personal lines. What seems like a moral necessity to one group can be viewed as deeply wrong by another.
Perhaps living in the moral gray is not a weakness but a strength. Recognizing nuance allows us to empathize with others, to understand perspectives that differ from our own and to accept that imperfection is part of the human condition. As we have learned throughout history, empathy is what will keep our society from being wholly divisive and destructive. Instead of striving for unattainable moral purity, maybe the better goal is to learn how to navigate the gray with honesty, self-awareness and compassion.