This may surprise some people, but it is okay to ask friends for favors. Really! When I say I am “happy to help,” I actually mean it. Your friends probably do, too.
I recently stumbled upon this concept of the “small favors economy,” which is essentially an ecosystem of small acts of kindness and assistance you share with people in your community and life. In the past, this reliance on community was a natural, instinctive way of life. Somewhere along the way (as we have entered late-stage capitalism), we have been tricked into thinking that asking for favors is a failing on our end and a burden to others. It’s the inconvenience heard around the world.
Through late-stage capitalism, most favors we used to ask our friends have now been monetized. Need a ride? Use Uber. Want to borrow a dress for your event? Amazon has 2-day shipping. Ran out of sugar? Instacart will bring it by soon. Moving? Throw cash at someone on TaskRabbit. And the list never ends.
We have turned these moments of personal connection into a financial transaction, which only distances us from one another in the process.
Due to the vast resources readily available at our fingertips, we have gotten so accustomed to outsourcing that asking friends for favors seems rude and inconvenient. We have forgotten that inconvenience is a part of friendship. Relying on one another fosters trust and helps to strengthen our connections. These small favors have such an impact – they create a sense of mutual support, reminding us that we are not alone.
By refusing to lean on our friends, we are isolating ourselves. The beauty of the system is its reciprocality. I start the cycle by asking a friend for a favor, then they ask for one back and the cycle continues for the rest of our lives. By participating, a natural rhythm of human connection has been formed, reinforcing the understanding that we can and should depend on each other. These small acts of generosity are small acts of friendship.
Think about it: the best friendships come naturally from participating in the small favors economy. They come from shared experiences, and from being there for each other in big and small ways. Helping your friend move, despite the sweat, exhaustion, and annoyance towards them for those few hours, you end up feeling closer to them afterwards.
The small favors economy even extends into your broader community. Neighborhoods used to thrive on this system of borrowing an egg, watching each other’s kids or mowing each other’s lawns.
There are varying levels of engagement in this economy. Some engage in the small favors economy by default, providing favors like it is a necessary bodily function. Others operate on an exclusively friends-only basis. While others tally up and keep a mental ledger, treating every favor like a calculated business transaction.
It all boils down to the question of: what’s better, convenience or connection?
Obviously, convenience is wonderful and has its designated place. It is fabulous that we can summon a car just by clicking a few buttons on our phone or even get groceries delivered right to our doorstep. But it is crucial not to replace connection with convenience. The small favors economy pays out in something more valuable than just time and money: genuine human connection!