I grew up in a very football-oriented family. My dad played football, my brother played football and we watched football all the time around the house. Watching all of these football games was a simple routine, especially once playoffs hit and every Sunday became game day. Since football was so big in my household, one thing I became familiar with was the playbook: the list of plays that teams make, usually specific to any good team, and this is the holy grail of a winning team.
“Okay, Danielle, I don’t care about football.”
I get that, but in my years of watching football, I have come to realize that dating is very similar. It’s a game that we all play, and the prize isn’t some flashy ring or the glory of winning a Super Bowl—it’s love. Or at least, for some people it is… there will always be that small group of people that just aim to marry rich.
So, why all this talk of football? Because, as we approach this game that is endearingly called “dating,” we need a plan. Ladies, we need a plan to get a guy and keep him if we so choose. We all need a plan for how to approach guys and these situations. We need a playbook that shows us the correct places to go to and the exact way to flip our hair so that we can score those boys repeatedly. We need plays that will enable us to support our best friends by allowing them to cut through the line of bros and sack that hot quarterback. Basically, we need a game plan.
1. Draft day
There’s this really good movie called “Draft Day” that basically breaks this whole process down into two hours—I’m about to break it down in two sentences. NFL teams spend months cultivating information about all the players available on Draft Day, and they play a game of Russian roulette in an attempt to get the best players that they need for their team. Finally, Draft Day comes and the good teams have a lineup of the players that they want in case their number one or number two pick gets chosen by another team. Every day in the dating field is a Draft Day.
Now, I’m not saying that you need to get all your players ready in one day because these things take time. However, you need to approach picking your man with the same idea. You need to gather your information, compare the potential men against each other and assess what you want or need in a potential partner. There are some hard decisions that need to be made at this time.
During this time, it is important to analyze your beliefs and see if the guy falls on the same page. Do you want a relationship? Get rid of all the boys that don’t. Do you want a guy that respects your boundaries? Get rid of the ones that only seem like they’re after one thing. Do you want someone extremely taller than you? Okay, you may narrow down your potential dating pool, but get rid of the guys that are within three inches of your height. Basically, you want to find the best fit for you so that when Draft Day comes around, your top choices are actually your top choices. The only thing to keep in mind at this time is that these boys are still dating and on the market, so make your choices wisely but quickly.
2. the blitz
But wait, what does dating have to do with a blitz? A blitz is a play used to take down the quarterback of the opposing team in the fastest way possible. On Draft Day, you picked the guy or couple of guys you were zoning in on, but now you are making your plan to get your top choice of a man in record timing.
These plans can include how you flip your hair, acting like you are impossible to get because boys love the chase, taking a little bit of extra time on your makeup or outfit to stand out from the crowd, adding a bit of a spray tan to make you look less ghostly in this freshly spring weather or acting completely unfazed anytime he insinuates that any of these changes are for him.
The thing to remember in this phase of the plan is that dating is definitely a game. You do not need to play fair. In fact, I would happily suggest that you do not play fair. If none of these boys are going to play fair, neither will we. All is fair in love and war, and I like to think of dating as a little bit of both.
3. the in zone
We all know about the infamous “in zone.” This is when the team in possession of the ball is about to score, and the last five to ten yards that they have to run is considered the in zone. This has a perfect correlation with dating, meaning that just as you are about to seal the deal and get your number one Draft Day, or dating, pick, you are in the in zone.
So, what are some signs you are in the in zone? Maybe, the guy is talking to you more than usual. It is a commonly known fact that a guy won’t waste his time flattering you if he is not interested. Or, he is actively coming up with times to see you. This wouldn’t be the first nor the last time that a guy is so obsessed with a girl that he wants to see her every second of the day.
As soon as a person enters the in zone, the immediate reaction is to choke and not score the goal. That is exactly what we are not going to do. Instead, you need to keep up our strategy from the blitz, but back off a little. If you wear false lashes to gain his attention, scale it back to your normal lashes with mascara. Get the picture? This is a subtle edging off of the gas so that we do not completely lose all our energy before even officially dating the guy. This technique —when done correctly—is subtle, yet effective.
4. the recovery (after the fumble)
Along the way, you may make a little bit of stumble.. In football, we call that a fumble, and it leaves a wide opening for the opponent to swoop in and take possession of the ball. In dating, that equates to another girl taking your number one pick man—not exactly the happy ending you wanted.
However, there is a spectacular thing called a recovery. This means that the team did fumble the ball, but they also got it back before the other team could take it. This is exactly what you are going to do should a fumble occur. Fumbling your Draft Day man can look like anything from saying something really out of hand to joking around a little bit too much and maybe insulting the poor guy’s ego.
Although I am not one to be especially kind to men, there is a time and place to show off that sour mood towards the male gender. Spoiler alert: a date is neither the time nor the place. So how do we recover our fumble? Suck up your pride and apologize for whatever you did that caused the fumble in the first place. I know it is hard, but the only alternative is to start over and begin picking out new guys for a new Draft Day. Honestly, that would just be too much work.
5. the forfeit
Sometimes there are things not worth saving. In the event that you made it to the in zone and did not fumble, but still don’t feel the spark or like all the work is worth it, it is time to forfeit. This term is pretty universal, so it does not need much explaining, but I would recommend that right after the forfeit, look at your play book again. See where you went wrong on your analysis that you nearly started dating a guy that you did not think was worth your time. Then—after realizing all of your faults—avoid making them again.
We are not quitters, and every game plan cannot end in a forfeit.