You are important. You have a story. You have struggled. You have loved. You have been through a unique set of experiences that have made you into the person you are today.
While all of the above is true for you, it’s also true for me. It also true for your first significant other that broke your heart. It’s also true for the grade school bully that made you question your self-worth. It is also true for the teacher’s pet in your chemistry class that you just can’t stand. It is true for all of humanity.
“Sonder, n., the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own” (“Sonder”, 2012).
I stumbled upon the word “sonder” during my senior year of high school, and as a result my life was forever changed. I had always thought very deeply about the importance of hearing people’s stories and the beauty in the diverse nature of human beings, but seeing my mere journal thoughts summed up so precisely in six beautiful letters only legitimized and intensified my fascination with the concept. Looking at the world through a sonder-lens has allowed me to replace snap-judgments, gossip, and jealousy with compassion, open-mindedness, and empathy. Obviously I’m still human, and therefore am riddled with flaws and imperfections. However, constantly having sonder in the back of my mind has undoubtedly allowed me to develop a more holistic view of humanity, ultimately making me a happier person.
The world in which we live is more divided than ever before; from political parties to social classes, people continue to cling to familiarity while looking down upon those who are different. It is obviously comforting to be around those who are similar, but the fatal flaw with comfortability is that it breeds complacency and ignorance. It is impossible for people to grow and develop if they are constantly surrounding themselves with the same types of individuals, while othering and devaluing those who conflict with their personal definition of normal. It is undoubtedly challenging to see the good in every single person you encounter, but looking at humanity through a sonder-filled mindset makes it much more manageable. There is something so powerful about being able to look at someone with a totally open mind, unclouded by preconceived notions or assumptions, and recognize their human dignity.
Respecting a person who has wronged you or wronged someone you love is certainly a very difficult task, but doing so has the ability to produce many great benefits. Coming to the realization that each person you know is living a life as vivid and complex as your own allows for the development of a more comprehensive and thoughtful perspective on human behavior and humanity as a whole. However, seeing the value in people’s stories and unique life experiences does not mean that you are giving a free pass for individuals to act however they please without repercussions. Rather it means that you are able to think more rationally about why people do the things they do, providing the opportunity for the development of more authentic, genuine, and honest relationships. And not only does sonder have personal benefits, but it also dismantles the polarization that is often so prevalent in our society. When people are able to look at each other and see their humanness before anything else, then divisions and differences begin to seem irrelevant. Sonder is ultimately a very powerful concept that has the ability to shape our world in such a positive way, so here is my challenge for you: try it out. Just for a day, look at the world through a sonder-mindset. Be conscious of the fact that each person you are interacting with has a life just as complicated and dynamic as your own, and see how it changes you. It may be difficult, but the most rewarding things in life usually are.
Sonder. (2012, July 22). Retrieved October 14, 2017, from http://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/23536922667/sonder