Although famed poet, Justin Bieber, questioned “Is it too late now to say sorry?” it might, in fact, be too early to say sorry in most cases. Nowadays, the word “sorry” is overused, sometimes up to eight times a day by just one person.
Why do we apologize? We apologize because we believe we are in the wrong, because it’s a force of habit, or simply just because we want to make the other person feel better. Research conducted at Harvard Business School states that we make useless apologies in order to build trust, as it makes us more approachable. This “sorry syndrome” has plagued our lives, and today, I hope to help us cure this problem by going through symptoms that cause it and treatment for this epidemic.
The misuse of “sorry” is caused by people who are looking to lessen the blow of their constructive criticism, maintain pleasant personalities, and want to appear friendly. I mean, I realize that being kind is great. However, sometimes this kindness is taken too far or can even be a copout–such as apologizing for not liking a genre of movie. By making others feel better we often are lowering our self-worth and confidence, as suggested by psychotherapist Beverly Engel in her book, The Power of an Apology. She even brings up the point that we often just come off as shy or ineffectual–allowing others to treat us poorly by excessively apologizing.
This “syndrome” is caused by individuals who are compassionate, anxious, agreeable, have a strict background, or essentially a lack of faith in their own judgement. Although over-apologizing comes easier to these folks, it’s hit a larger population.
I, too, can contest to being an over-apologizer. Recently, it seems that with each unwarranted apology I am losing my confidence. I have been apologizing for everything: my personality, my behavior, and even when I forget to respond to a text when I am taking an exam. Slowly I am realizing that I DON’T NEED to apologize for my character or personality. The quirks I have, and my personality makes me, well, me. This year specifically has taught me that we need to take time for ourselves, and with that comes not being able to make every single person happy.
However, there is an easy fix to the “sorry syndrome. First off, we should pause before apologizing automatically and look for other phrases we can say in place of “I am sorry.” A common phrase that can be used instead is “thank you.” We can change something negative to positive by appreciating that a certain individual had the time to correct you. Also, saying something more positive allows you to continue a different discussion whereas apologies, often times, awkwardly just end a discussion. One of the most important strategies I believe is the ability to say “no.” Flat out, stating that you don’t want to do something can prevent confusion or any reason for an apology. Technology is even providing us ways with solving this issue. Recently, Google created a “Just Not Sorry” plugin where individuals will be notified each time they use phrases that will undermine their self-worth, such as “I’m no expert..” Just attempting one of these strategies could significantly impact our lives, and maybe we could figure out the true value of apologizing and improve self-confidence.
Justin Bieber did the best he could with his inspiring words, however; we need to do better. Apologize for actual mistakes, not everything. So maybe, instead of Justin’s words, we should use the age old adage instead.. “Sorry, not sorry.”
Sources:
https://hello-sunshine.com/post/lets-talk-about-the-sorry-epidemic
https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_Sorry_Epidemic.html
https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-two-words-you-should-start-saying-ins…