I know that everyone is sick of hearing the “studying abroad changed my life” stories. We all know the types of stories that I am referring to. The “I had an epiphany walking the streets of Barcelona at sunrise” ones, and these are the kind of people who definitely pronounce Barcelona with the “th” accent. Before I had even studied abroad, I knew that I was sick of hearing these types of stories, so I know that I am a little bit of a hypocrite here. But I do genuinely think that studying abroad changed me as a person.
I have made a habit of writing reflections at the end of each school year, and I don’t think that this semester is going to fit nicely into a “Junior Year Reflection” the way previous years have. It only seemed right that this past semester would get its own edition. I am not going to sit here and drag on about all of the places you have to see or how incredible every moment was. Instead, I want to focus on the lessons that I have learned. Studying abroad has been both the easiest and the hardest thing I have ever done. I have had moments where I felt like I was on top of the world, and also moments where I wanted to curl into a ball and never come out. I have learned a lot in these past four months. Here are some of those lessons.
Be Realistic
There is a Saturday Night Live sketch from years ago that is a scarily accurate representation of traveling abroad. In the sketch, Adam Sandler plays an Italian travel guide making a commercial for his company. The punchline of the sketch is, “You will still be you on vacation.” I had seen this sketch before traveling abroad and would giggle at it, but I did not realize how accurate it would be. I didn’t think that all my problems would be solved the minute I stepped off the plane in Europe, but I did assume that my problems would seem smaller. I did not magically change the minute I was in Spain. I hate fish in the United States, and I was not going to like fish in Spain (even Paella). Even looking back at some of the clothes that I packed makes me laugh because I don´t know who I thought I was. I thought that feeling unhappy in Europe would feel better than feeling unhappy in the U.S.
Spoiler alert: Feeling sad is not fun regardless of your location.
On Balance
Early on in the semester, if I was having a bad day I would tell myself to just get over it. I remember thinking, “You’re in Spain, get over yourself.” I felt guilty for being upset. I was aware that I was given a unique opportunity to study abroad, which is not an option for everyone. I saw my unhappiness as selfishness, rather than a human emotion. I also knew that I had been looking forward to this moment for years and that I owed it to myself to be okay the whole time. I have learned that it is possible to be thankful for the opportunities I have while also struggling through the challenges I had coming into study abroad. It’s possible to hold space for both happy and sad emotions. No one is happy 100% of the time and holding yourself to that standard only sets you up for failure.
On Homesickness
I thought that I was prepared to be homesick because I have been studying away from home for the last two years. But this was a different type of homesickness. For one, a large time difference isn’t easy to manage. The difference between my home in California and Madrid was 9 hours. If I wanted to call home, I had to figure out a time that worked, and usually, that time was late at night. Weeks would go by when I couldn’t talk to my Dad because our schedules never lined up. There were several occasions when I really needed to talk to friends and family and couldn’t because they were sleeping. I had prepared myself for this, so while it was manageable, it was still difficult. What I hadn’t prepared for was that I was going to be homesick for two different places. Not only did I miss my home in California, but I also missed my other home in St Louis. I have always struggled with FOMO, but this was a whole new level. I had a whole set of friends living their lives in a city that I love and I wasn’t there for it. It was the little things that got to me—for example, this year it snowed in St. Louis early and I cried about it for probably 20 minutes. Missing two places at once was one of the most difficult parts of studying abroad.
On Isolation
When I was feeling homesick, I would often isolate myself from people at home because it hurt too much. Being in constant contact would remind me of everything and everyone I was missing. I have missed my friends and family back home more than I could probably describe, and for a while, I unintentionally distanced myself as a defense mechanism. I even started to do this before I left. Leaving people behind is difficult, especially when I was terrified of the step I was taking. If there was one thing I could go back and do differently, it would be this. While cutting yourself off from people feels easier, it is not good for you in the long run, not to mention the fact that it can hurt the people you love, too. Don´t take the easy way out. It hurts because those people mean something to you. When I started to let these people back in, my homesickness did get a little worse, but it was worth it to see their faces again.
On Anonymity
Stop caring what other people think about you. I know that this is easier said than done, and I have struggled with this my entire life. But living in a new city presents a new level of anonymity that creates the perfect opportunity to practice simply not caring. Filling your mind with the possibility of others´ perceptions of you is debilitating. Not to mention the fact that you´re cheating yourself out of the best experiences. So instead of filling your brain with all of the “what if’s,” just do it. Dance like a maniac in the middle of a crowded club with your best friends. It’s truly one of the greatest feelings in the world. During moments like that, what someone else could possibly think of me didn’t even cross my mind. All I could think about was the fact that I was never going to get to live that moment again. So instead of worrying, I just closed my eyes and took a mental picture of the moment. After spending years obsessed with what other people were thinking, living like this has become freeing.
On Spontaneity
I am and always have been a planner. But in these last few months, I have learned to appreciate the moments when I have no plan. My most special moments have been when I had no idea what was happening. There was one night where I had just met this girl and then four hours later we were singing karaoke together. She is now one of my closest friends. Even when I did plan something, it sometimes didn’t end up going to plan, sometimes for the worse, but usually for the better. Once, I missed my connecting flight from Seville to Tangier and ended up having to take a bus and then a ferry across the strait of Gibraltar. That day should have been horrible, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Memories are made when you are out of your comfort zone.
Experience Everything
Over these past few months, I have learned to say “yes” to everything. This is obviously within reason, but when an opportunity presents itself, I have learned to take it. No matter what happens, you will always have a story at the end of it. I have more stories than I could count. I have been studying Spanish for almost five years, but I still knew very little when I arrived in Madrid. Learning to experience everything also meant that I had to completely throw myself into a language I barely understood. Because of this, my Spanish has gotten progressively better to the point where I am confident in my ability to hold conversations. This skill didn’t come without its fair share of mess-ups. I once tried to order a coffee with oat milk and the barista misunderstood me and thought my name was “Oat.” I ended up with a coffee with regular milk for someone named Avena. It was a humbling experience, but a funny memory. I cherish memories like this more than any souvenir. However, I do recommend that you find something little to get everywhere you go as a memento—I chose Christmas ornaments. However, each of these ornaments reminds me of a much more valuable memory. More than buying little souvenirs, I recommend keeping a journal. Write down as much as you can. It doesn’t matter how important each moment may seem, you will look back on them fondly. I have started to go back and read my first entries and giggle at how naive I was. I had no idea what was waiting for me as I arrived in Madrid.
I hope that this doesn’t sound like every other study abroad reflection. If it does, you have my permission to roll your eyes at me. I probably deserve it. But, I am a different person than the one who stepped off the plane in August and that isn’t just because I traveled around Europe. I have seen some amazing places, but that isn’t what I am going to remember from this last semester. What made the memories was the fact that I was living life in a way I never had before. I wasn’t focused on what other people thought of me; instead, this semester was mine and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to take that away from me. I didn’t panic when things didn’t go as planned, I just went with it and saw what happened. I challenged myself to live far away from people that I love, knowing that everyone was going to be there when I got back. I learned to accept that my emotions were valid and important. I lived freely for the first time. I wish that I had one main takeaway from all of this but there are too many to summarize. The best advice I can offer is to appreciate every moment, the good ones, the bad ones and everything in between.