Since freshman year, I have hung a purple poster in my room that says “Decide what is yours to hold, and let the rest go.” Taylor Swift, legendary pop star, said this in her commencement speech at New York University (NYU). Swift received her honorary Doctorate of Fine Arts from NYU in May 2022.
When I first heard this quote in my junior year of high school, I did not resonate with the message. I felt like I needed to hold onto everything and was not letting anything go. Every school assignment and social interaction felt so important and life-altering. I was exercising no discernment in where I put my energy and was trying to do it all.
I got the poster with Swift’s quotation the summer before starting my freshman year of college. My sister picked it out to complement another poster I was getting for my dorm. I liked the purple hue and decided that maybe one day the quote would mean more to me.
Reflecting more than four years later, this quote has helped me grow in so many ways. We often like to believe that we have control over any situation, other people and the world. The reality is that we can influence the world greatly, but there are so many choices we cannot control. For example, two people can experience a situation completely differently because of distinct lived experiences, perspectives and feelings. This quote speaks to me personally and professionally.
I learned that the more we try to control what other people think of us, the more we lose ourselves. Trying to please other people and control their perceptions can result in feelings of loneliness, directionlessness and insecurity. I have tried so hard to be liked by everyone and make the popular choice every time. Any insult or criticism I took to heart and believed that I was the whole and only problem.
Recently, I have begun to believe that mean words are often a reflection of our biggest fears and there can be truth hidden beneath cruelty. I learned what is there for me to take, hold onto and reflect on, and what is just hurtful.
It is critical to reflect on your actions and take accountability, but it is also equally as important to recognize when something is not about you. Take on new challenges, receive feedback open-heartedly and release grudges or harmful relationships.
Professionally, as an education major, this quote has helped me remember that there is no way to be perfect and take on every challenge. As a student teacher, I feel an expectation to match my cooperating teacher’s abilities on my first try and handle all the stresses of teaching seamlessly. However, these expectations for myself are unrealistic because I am new to teaching and cannot control everything. A critical element of teaching is being flexible and adapting to the realities of a situation. If I try to find perfection in every aspect of my teaching, I will lose any sort of work-life balance and likely buckle under the weight.
I am striving to remember what I can control by not fixating on my mistakes. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and there is no way for every lesson to go seamlessly. I am learning new curriculum, how to create a positive classroom culture and building relationships with 23 students. I must give myself grace to try and misstep. I am only weighing my life down by focusing on the negative and not the positive moments from the day.
Swift follows her comment about letting go by reminding the audience that lighter and joyful aspects of life are easier to carry. I am still on my journey of learning how to let go. However, I can confidently say being discerning about what I put my energy towards has made my life brighter, happier and more fulfilling!