I am a feminist and always have been, even before I truly knew what it meant. I advocate for girls all around the world to have the advantage of education and healthcare. I have participated in my local women’s marches. I plan to have money and property in my own right, even when I get married. However, there are still flaws to my original statement.
I grew up in Oklahoma, so I have quite a few Republican, Libertarian, and moderate friends. One day, I was hanging out with some of them – three girls and four guys – and we got on the subject of politics. We’re very close and have always been able to discuss these things amicably. One of my friends, a woman, asks me, “Emma, what is it like to be the only feminist in the room?” Well, that completely threw me off. I’ve always assumed that all women are feminists because why wouldn’t they be? My friends, though I do know they believe in the empowerment of women, don’t consider themselves feminists because of the connotations that the feminist idea brings. This train of thought is just wild to me. How can we have come so far and still have our own people fighting against us? In this way, I felt put on a pedestal. I was now seen as The Feminist of our friend group and seemed to be expected to represent the movement. I can’t do this because: 1. I am a white, straight, upper-middle class woman who doesn’t know the struggle of intersectionality. 2. I am a bad feminist.
This week, I took the time to watch the Roxane Gay TED Talk that was suggested by my Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies professor called “Confessions of a Bad Feminist.” Gay has a wonderful eloquence to her words. One particular phrase I found interesting in her talk was “daring to believe I’m equal to a man.” This wording caught my attention because it seems like what Gay emphasizes is something wrong. However, I have never seen being a feminist as something wrong. The idea of the “feminazi” is just so foreign to me and it absolutely astounds me that people, especially my friends, believe it. The woman on TV who burns her bras publicly and wants men to die isn’t an accurate representation of the feminist movement. How can you expect one person, in the media or in real life, to represent the ideals and values of a complicated movement? There are too many twists and turns, aspects, branches, and even divisions within feminist culture to have a single person represent all of it.
Gay’s most relatable point, in my opinion, was her description of the bad feminist. She admits to loving derogatory rap music and dividing things into genders in her life, such as defining “man work” as “anything I don’t want to do.” This called to me because I too am a bad feminist. I sometimes let things slide if someone says something that puts me off a little. I laugh at offensive memes and ironically partake in stereotyping. I know all the words to “Talk Dirty to Me” and “Powerglide.” I absolutely love the idea of a traditional “strong man” to protect me. I’m not perfect and, therefore, I am a bad feminist. Because I do these things, some may doubt my “title” of feminist, but they don’t make me less of a feminist. Feminism hits me to my very core, and I was raised in it. It’s not the way of the world to grade a person’s ideals and values based on their actions. Ronald Reagan was once a Democrat and he’s hailed by Republicans as their ideal president. Do they doubt his Republican success because of his former party affiliation? This is an example of the double standard, and I believe it reaches to all spotlighted social justice movements. We must be seen as flawless for our movements to be considered legitimate, whereas Neo-Nazis can produce violence day after day and be free of criticism. It should be okay to let your guard down every now and then. You should be able to take and breath and take a moment to yourself without feeling like the eyes of the world are boring down on you, judging your every move. Whether it’s rapping about “b*tches” or taking your husband’s name and acting as a stay at home mom, these actions don’t make a person less of a feminist, no matter what people will tell you. You are your own person with your own beliefs and you own it.
Another aspect that I thought was particularly interesting was that Gay used the phrase “I hold these truths to be self-evident” multiple times. This phrase is most notable for its place in the Declaration of Independence. By using it to express her ideas, Gay displays a sense of power and authority to her words. This phrase inspires a thought of freedom and legitimacy. However, the following words in the Declaration are “that all men were created equal.” Gay’s talk is all about women; I like the idea that she ended her statement before the second line comes in. It also makes me think of the song “Schuyler Sisters” from “Hamilton.” In the song, Angelica and her sisters, Eliza and Peggy, sing “we hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men were created equal; and if I meet Thomas Jefferson; Imma tell him to include women in the sequel.” If you are not familiar with it, I suggest you acquaint yourself. Now, by adding on to this famous phrase, Gay is suggesting that the current wording is not sufficient enough. And she’s right. Just like Angelica says, women still need to be included. This is a small example of how our own government and society that we participate in works against women. They still do not let women in by allowing companies to pay us less, by providing inadequate maternity leave, and by letting our rapists off with only six months in jail that is then downgraded to three months for “good behavior.”
If society is working against women, how can we, as a feminist movement, succeed? The answer is simple. As Gay professes, we must accept our differences in the movement and our transgressions of bad feminism. We must strive to achieve our goals without causing rifts within our own crowd. To quote Hannah Montana, “Nobody’s perfect; I gotta work it.” The bottom line is that we love and support each other, in order to rise above the critics.