There were a couple of aspects about my future college that I was set on. It had to be small, focused on tradition, liberal and not overwhelmingly religiously affiliated. I wanted somewhere with like-minded individuals. A place not focused on religious doctrine to guide their mission or tradition.
If you know me, you might ask how I ended up at Saint Louis University — a Jesuit Catholic, medium-sized institution smack dab in the middle of St. Louis and the Midwest. SLU was not even on my list until my mom demanded a Midwestern, safety-school college be added. Perhaps she looked into my future, or into her ever-evolving depth of knowledge about her daughter, but she knew that one school that was viable and not dreadfully far away needed to be considered. Considered it was.
While the final decision largely came down to finances (and the warmer weather in St. Louis compared to my other top contender of a small, liberal-arts college in Minnesota), I was still largely unsure about committing to a school so drastically different from what I had imagined for myself. This uncertainty was further cemented when on the list of classes given to me for my first semester was “THEO-1600: God Talk,” a class focused on the nature and practices of religion and tradition, especially the Jesuit Catholic tradition. It felt overwhelmingly like I had made entirely the wrong decision. How had I ended up at a college with a required theology course in the red state of Missouri?
I will give you a little spoiler: it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life.
While touring Macalester College as an admitted student (my second choice college towards the end of the process), I attended a student panel in which we listened to student testimonies of their experiences at Macalester. I distinctly remember multiple students explaining how they came to Macalester because they wanted to be surrounded by people who thought the same way they did. Whilst I felt this was what I wanted, my dad was immediately turned off by the whole culture. As a philosophy major, he thrived on discourse stemming from differences in opinion. I, on the other hand, felt more secure on a campus in which people were not necessarily like me, but thought similarly.
While making my decision to attend SLU, I knew I would not find that same atmosphere. Located in a red state, with many of its students coming from rural and suburban areas, I knew that the liberal-arts liberal bubble I was hoping for would immediately pop. However, once arriving at SLU, I started to appreciate the differences in opinions as they opened new pathways I would not have typically considered.
Skipping forward to my first day of classes as a college student, I dreaded starting a course centered entirely around religion and Catholic doctrine. While at this point I had largely made peace with my decision to attend SLU, the mandated theology class seemed like a step backwards in my acceptance of the decision.
After a quick overview of the syllabus, the future started to look slightly brighter. It contained not just Catholic teachings, but also writings about Buddhist monks, Jewish teachings and the impact of drugs on religion. Hesitantly, but committed to keep a 4.0 GPA, I began to read and discuss each piece of required literature. Guided by a passionate and open-minded professor, I began to see the world I had previously dismissed completely in my head. A world full of discussion about the tenets of world religions, their nuances and their impacts on the world.
A course I only took because it was required ultimately inspired me to pursue a theology minor and, I hope, will lead me toward a graduate degree in political theology. I always knew I wanted to study political science, but I never knew there was a whole other world out in the realm of religion’s impact on politics and political science. At only 19, I am hesitant to say this is what I am truly inspired and impassioned by or that this is my life’s calling. I do know, however, it is what I plan to do in the meantime.
While it can be hard to reflect on experiences that I am still currently living, I feel that, largely, the reason I was able to find success and happiness at SLU was due to not dwelling on the past and trying to find the positives in every experience. It took me some time to accept my decision, but once I did, I was determined not to live in the past of what could have happened if I had attended a different college. Furthermore, and even before I realized my passion for theology, I tried to focus on all of the positive and delightful aspects of SLU — the early springs, small campus and amazing friends that I made. These two outlooks on life dramatically changed my experiences with SLU and how I turned what I believed to be a negative experience into a wholly positive one.
In this medium-sized, Jesuit Catholic, Midwestern college, attended mostly for reasons out of my control, I managed to carve a little place for my passions in a place that I felt would never be for me.