A couple of weeks ago, I heard a saying, “Stop trying to be seen when God is hiding you.” Having grown up in a religious household and having developed my relationship with God, this saying was a major gut check for me and my constant complaints about never having a boyfriend growing up.
While I knew that I was a beautiful and talented young lady, I constantly compared my beauty to the fact that I did not have a boyfriend. I thought that having a boyfriend and a large group of friends was synonymous with having your life together. Thus ensued multiple years of me trying to gain a large friend group, find some semblance of male attention, and I failed miserably on all accounts. It wasn’t until I was truly comfortable with myself that I actually became happy with being single.
Being single isn’t one state of mind. I have found that there are three main ideologies that I go between during my time as a single woman. No single thought process is better than the other, but there is something fulfilling about being self-aware enough to know that you are going through different emotions.
1. the single who is ready to mingle
Every single person will experience this at some point. When they begin to download all the dating apps and swipe their fingers in repetitive motions until their joints begin to lock up, their eyes start to water from staring at a screen too long and they have to book a chiropractor appointment from sitting hunched over a device for too long. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
These people are truly in a state of mind where they realize the requirements of a relationship and are dedicated to fulfilling that. While there can be the assumption that these people are lonely or craving attention, most of the time, they are just searching for someone to enjoy life with. As long as you are single and have the mature outlook to realize that relationships are not always happy, I applaud you for putting yourself out on the dating market.
The way to become a person that is ready to mingle is to become secure in yourself. There is a saying that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, which I think is applicable in this situation. If you cannot love yourself, then there is no way to find someone who you can dedicate your time and energy to.
2. the single (and happy) pringle
Another group of single people is those happy in their singleness. Honestly, I find myself in this camp more often than not. It is not because I do not like the idea of being in a relationship. I just simply give up after seeing one too many fish pictures while swiping through a dating app. There are also people in this category who just got out of a relationship and find that they are happier alone than with someone else, which is completely valid.
This is the phase where a person can live their best life with their friends. It is not that a person cannot enjoy themselves in a relationship, but there is something freeing about being single and not striving to gain the attention of others. The feeling of being confident in being either single or in a relationship is something that very few people achieve, which is what makes this a good position to be in. So, while you are enjoying your time being single and not mingling, take some time to cross a few things off your bucket list.
The way to become one of the people enjoying their singleness is to begin to do everything that you say you “cannot do” because you aren’t in a relationship. You can go look at the Christmas lights with your friends and family or buy yourself flowers and chocolates after a bad week. These small steps toward self-care will be more than enough to convince yourself that you do not need to be in a relationship to be happy.
3. The Single in Self-HELP Mode
These are self-aware people. I recently found myself in this group of individuals, and it was such an enlightening experience. The people in this group are set to be the most emotionally mature people on the dating scene when they finally decide to go looking for a partner, which means that they will probably not be dating for at least a decade because they cannot find someone on their maturity level.
My advice for becoming this type of single person would be to take some time to reflect on your personality. Taking account of your own faults is the first step toward becoming self-aware and modifying your personality to reflect only the best facets of yourself. For me, I noticed that my self-confidence could sometimes border arrogance. With that in mind, I went looking for a book that would promote confidence while also pointing out when it was out of control. For this, I found the book “Confident Humility” by Dan Kent, which I am currently reading. However, there are different issues to focus on for each person.
Singleness looks different for each person. Some people tend to fall into the group of bettering themselves while others prefer to be actively searching for a relationship. Yet, there are still people that are happy in their current state of mind and enjoying the single life. None of these ways of life are better than the other; however, there is beauty in each. Regardless of where you fall, there is no right way to be single as long as you find joy in who you are as a person. What I have learned is that the best way to be single is to not be upset that you are single.