A little over a year ago, I left a piece of my heart at home when I left for college. I am sure most teenagers feel the same way. But for me, it was different. I was leaving my one-year-old baby brother, Grayson. Having a large age gap with my siblings is something I would never change. I could not imagine my life without my younger brother in it, and he completely changed my life without even knowing it. In November of my freshman year, my family welcomed our fifth member, my other younger brother, Lincoln. Grayson and Lincoln have taught me more about love, patience and tenderness than anyone else ever has.
If you had told me four years ago that I would have two younger brothers that I would think of as my own children, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. However, our big age difference makes the bond even more important and loving than a typical sibling relationship. My brothers taught me what it means to love someone with everything in your body. Sometimes it surprises me that, at 19 years old, I know how to make a bottle with formula, then safely clean and sanitize it. I can calm a baby to sleep, know what clothes to put them into and so much more. These are skills I never would have learned without them — and now I would not trade those skills for anything.
Even when the days are long, if I spend just one minute with either Grayson or Lincoln, my mood is instantly improved. Their presence reminds me that life is full of innocence and youth, from shy baby giggles to screams of joy. And even though being the oldest means I have so many responsibilities, I know this is exactly where I want to be in life.
Being away at college and missing all of the milestones and important memories is extremely tough, but knowing in the end, after I have my college degree, that it will all be worth it, keeps me motivated. My parents send me videos of Grayson bringing them a picture of me from our living room while he says, “Sissy, Sissy!” Seeing his tiny hands holding the frame, while his sweet voice calls my name instantly melts my heart — and it breaks it in some ways, knowing I am not at home every day like I used to be. These moments made me realize how important our bond is, not only to me, but to him, too.
Our age gap taught me more than just how to make bottles and read books to a toddler. It taught me how to love someone in the most gentle, intentional way. It helps me understand that, even though they keep growing and learning while I am away, our love stays strong. It stays with them, and it stays with me. I know they will not remember falling asleep in my arms or giggling together over tickles. But I will. That is what makes being the oldest a gift: I will remember their childhood and the way they changed my life for the better.
Ultimately, being away at college has taught me that the relationships we invest our time into, whether that is a younger sibling or a best friend, shape the people we become. You do not need to be an older sibling to understand this either. Allow yourself to be shaped by the most important people around you and carry them with you throughout your everyday life.