Click.
It’s 7:30 p.m. on a Wednesday evening, and your heart is racing. Racing doesn’t fully capture the true feeling of your heart thumping though. You just received a new Canvas notification, which sends your anxiety through the roof. It was the exam score posted from Monday, and let’s just say it didn’t go quite as well as you thought it would. All of those long hours in the library studying, all for what? To make up for it and fill that anxious void inside of you, you whip open your computer and immediately start online shopping. It’s almost the weekend, and your friend’s birthday is coming up. It seems logical to get a couple of dress options for her party. In that case, you are also going to need new boots too, since it’s already November. And now that you look at it, there are a couple cute tops on sale. You might as well add those to the cart. Swimsuits on sale, too? You can never be too early to plan your swim attire for spring break. Breezing through the online checkout, you don’t even bother glancing at your credit card as you have it memorized like the back of your hand. Standard shipping? No—I need these now, so overnight delivery it is. A couple hundred dollars and a minor anxiety attack later, it’ll all be worth it right? This is going to make me feel so much better, you promise to yourself.
Does this sound familiar? So often, I find that young women, such as myself, get caught up in this cultural lie. The lie that I’m referring to is that buying clothes, shoes or who knows what other seemingly random but perfectly necessary items we throw in our online shopping carts will eradicate our feelings of inadequacy. A book that explores this topic and embraces choosing purpose over passion and impulses is titled “101 Essays that will Change the Way You Think.” Author Brianna Wiest proposes new methods of thinking in this book, and one piece of advice stuck out to me in relation to this whole shopping-to-fill-a-need thing:
“External acquisition does not yield internal contentment.”
Let me say it one more time for you. This time, be sure to read it a little slower.
“External acquisition does not yield internal contentment.”
Whatever inadequacy you are trying to fill by purchasing a Zara haul or buying the new Kylie lip kit, I promise you, your other problems are still going to be there even after you get the package. Trust me: been there, done that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning anyone who resorts to shopping to fill a need, I just wanted to shed light on this subject as I, too, struggle with this. Whether it’s a looming relationship problem, stress over a group presentation or simply avoiding your anxious thoughts, I urge you to stop and take a deep breath before you purchase that new sweater that you’re dying to have. There is this hole in your heart that you may be trying to fill, your innermost desires yearning to be filled. And how do you solve them? Not by using code I’mAvoidingMyHomework for 20% your next Princess Polly order.
At that moment, when all you could ever possibly need and more is sitting there in that little shopping cart, you may be seeking out perceived wholeness, that is what you think will solve your problems. That’s the thing about perceived wholeness, your perception is misconstrued. You may think that this one perfect red dress will fill your void. However, what I am proposing is that this stunning red dress may not be the real solution to your problem. As you try to seek perceived wholeness and choose to fill it with whatever that may be, you should instead try to become more self-aware. As you are about to be the victim of your next spontaneous purchase, I urge you to consider the following:
“Recognition is the ultimate remedy.”
You should allow yourself to feel what it is you are trying to feel instead of suppressing those feelings with the newest Kylie Lip Kit. Recognizing that this bad vice is your solution to fill that hole in our hearts is actually your inner self trying to tell you something. It might be telling you that you need to stop procrastinating and actually start studying. It could also be urging you to send a text to that friend you’ve been avoiding for so long. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s trying to tell you to seek out the long-awaited rest you deserve. The best way to do that is to recognize those feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. Recognition is the ultimate remedy.
Stillness is awkward, I’m not going to lie. But what’s even more awkward is avoiding your inner voice and trying to sustain it with material items. I’ll say it one more time for the people who may have forgotten: “external acquisition does not yield internal contentment.” Brianna Wiest’s words, not mine. While it may be the cutest new sweater that Zara has ever released, the sweater itself will not solve the problem of whatever conversation you’re avoiding having. It will make you look confident and cute as you stroll to class, but it won’t yield that internal contentment you are searching for. Self-awareness is a process that takes time, but it is a process that is worth taking.