My favorite job in the world is being a big sister. My siblings have always been my source of pride. At five years old, the only thing I wanted was to have a sibling. I would nag my mom, begging for a playmate, to have the connection that I saw in all my favorite childhood movies.
When my siblings were born, that mindset quickly shifted into having two people I could boss around. I was the sister who would force them to participate in living room talent shows, make them play Barbies with me or even parade their stroller around to show how excited I was to have them.
As we grew older and our relationship shifted, I realized how much I loved supporting them through their life. I got to be the person who taught my sister how to do her makeup and who showed my brother some of his favorite movies. The feeling of watching my siblings grow into individuals with their own interests and strengths is something I would never give up. However, I never thought of how hollow I would feel when I moved away.
Last year, during my first week of college, one of my professors asked the class to complete an “identity tree.” It was a simple icebreaker: each branch represents different aspects of our identity, with the trunk being the core of who we are. Without hesitation, I wrote “big sister” on the tree trunk.
Then I froze. I quickly realized that I did not know what to put on the branches.
As my classmates wrote with ease, I stared at my paper. I was struggling to think of what came next. For so long, my identity has revolved around my siblings. They are my best friends. They are the teenagers I saw when I woke up in the morning, the kids that I taught to ride bikes and the babies who I waited for to come home from the hospital.
What began as a small assignment left me feeling a sense of dread. Who am I other than their big sister?
I was a college freshman. College is supposed to be the time to find how you fit in the world and who you want to become. I was supposed to be exploring, meeting new people and trying new things. But that assignment left me feeling like there was no clear “I” outside of my family.
My incredible mom raised me to thrive once I reached independence and adulthood. But I was not prepared to be me.
Now, as a sophomore, this is a dilemma I still struggle with at times. But I have come to realize that I do not have to erase “big sister” from my identity tree. Trees are living things that grow and evolve. Which means I can too.
I still light up when my sister FaceTimes me to talk about her high school or when my brother sends me funny TikToks. Those moments will always be important, but my identity does not have to revolve around those instances.
I can make space for new branches. Whether they are related to my academics or my hobbies, there is no rule that my tree has to only be rooted to my family. I can enjoy hanging out with friends and finding new hobbies, while still being excited when my phone lights up with a message from my siblings.
There is space for everything I am and everything I will be on my tree.
To all the big sisters out there, your siblings do not have to be the tree trunk holding up your identity. You and your siblings can be branches growing together.