Romantic relationships are complicated. Long-term or short-term, they constantly evolve and sometimes develop into something you never saw coming. In the beginning, it’s all sunshine and rainbows, and you swear you’ve never been happier since being with this person. They’re always on your mind, you cannot wait to see them, and you miss them no matter how often you’re together. But suddenly things may start to change, your SO starts fading away and seems to care less and less, and you find yourself holding on for even a glimpse of the wonderful days that once were. You wonder, “What did I do wrong? What changed?” I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone in this struggle—here are a few signs that allowed me to realize I needed a change.
1. If you forget who you were before the relationship.
It’s hard for a lot of people who are in a relationship with someone to remember that they were alone and ~thriving~ before they met their SO. Being in a relationship does not define you; you are you without them. If you fail to remember what life was like before the relationship, or if you just can’t imagine being single ever again, you may just be holding on to the idea of a relationship, and not to your SO.
2. If you’ve given too many second chances.
From my personal experience and from hearing the stories of others, a common pattern is giving our partners too many chances. This is a hard habit to break, especially if you’re the type with a very forgiving heart. If it feels like you’ve asked your partner to communicate better with you a million times and still no effort towards it or improvement has happened, I’m sorry to say that it probably never will. You deserve someone who listens to your concerns and someone who is willing to work on things with you.
3. If the good times don’t outweigh the bad ones.
If you find yourself stressing and obsessing over the things about your relationship that make you upset, it’s time to let go. Relationships aren’t meant to make your heart full of frustration and worry—they’re meant to bring another aspect of joy into your life. This is not to say that as soon as something goes wrong to end it (every relationship has ups and downs), but if you have more downs than ups, it might be time to move on.
4. If your whole life becomes centered around your relationship.
When the relationship that I was in started changing in a way that I didn’t want it to, I started focusing my heart and soul on fixing the problems that my partner and I were having. I put less effort into reaching out to friends, I spent my time in school distracted and even lashed out at my family for no reason other than I was feeling extremely frustrated. As soon as the relationship ended, I realized the damage I’d done to the other aspects of my life when I found that my friendships and relationships with others had become distant. Relationships are supposed to better each aspect of your life and help you become the best version of yourself you can be. You should be focusing on improving your whole life, not just your relationship.
5. Making decisions based on them, and not you.
Every relationship requires sacrifices, don’t get me wrong. But, there comes a point where you can sacrifice too much of your own happiness. One example that comes to my mind is when I hear of people getting into their dream universities, only to end up settling for the same school as their SO. This can work in some cases, but in my opinion, your late teens and early twenties are a time for you. Choose things based on what you know will make you happy in the long run. Relationships are not guaranteed to last forever, so don’t think you have to flip your life upside down for one person. If it is meant to be, it will be no matter the situation.
If you find yourself resonating with all or many of these signs, I hope you can find the strength you need to make some changes in your life.