Ahh, Patriarchy. Don’t you love when it rears its ugly head? I don’t. The concept of patriarchy is not new and has been the target of feminist movements for decades. Patriarchy is defined as “a system of society in which males hold power and women are excluded from it.” However, women are not exclusively affected by it. It affects all of us. One of the main problems I’ve noticed about it is that many people tend not to notice they are practicing patriarchal values. Many of us look to extreme cases of patriarchy or focus on things such as the wage gap. Although neither one of those things should be dismissed, there are many other ways our society assists with keeping patriarchy strong and alive.
Let’s Begin:
1.”I was born to be a wife”
This is a statement I have seen a lot lately in regards to relationships. There is no problem with having aspirations of being a wife, even from a very young age. The problem comes in when people don’t realize what is being implied. The statement is used to throw shade on women who are seen as “girlfriends” or “baby mamas,” but have yet to attain a ring. That’s strike one. Tearing down other women keeps them in a weakened state, which is an aim of patriarchy: to oppress women.
In addition to this, it subtly maintains the idea that a woman’s number one goal should be to marry. It falls in line with concepts of women belonging in the household and being defined by their relationship status. It also supports a notion of being a failure if you are not married. You are born to be many things; you do not have to reduce it to your relation to another person.
2. Slut-shaming.
When people think of slut-shaming, they automatically tend to focus on fashion choices or promiscuity. Looking down on prostitutes, strippers, porn stars, or sex workers is another way one could practice slut-shaming. Also, our generations newfound infatuation with how many sexual partners one has (especially women) can teeter on the lines of slut shaming. For example, the conversation of having sex on the first night tends to hold a negative connotation when applied to a woman’s choice to do so. This leads to an attitude of sex being an act only for the enjoyment of men. It also insinuates that women who explore their sexual desires should be deemed as less valuable, while men have free reign to do so. This supports inequality between men and women.
3. Rape culture
The entire concept of rape culture is sickening. There aren’t many people who come right out and say that they support rape or any form of sexual harassment. However, it is common to hear statements that support rape culture. The concept of victim blaming also assists with the patriarchy. “Well they shouldn’t have dressed that” or “why were they there in the first place” are examples of statements placing blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator. Even the fact that many survivors who come forward are seen as liars, especially in high profile cases. This behavior is oppressive and gives power to those who seek to oppress.
Also, the idea that many people believe that men cannot be victims of rape and sexual harassment supports patriarchal values that place stereotypes and roles of gender. The idea that men are too strong to be raped or sexually harassed is a direct result of strict gender ideas put into practice under patriarchy. I’ll discuss this more in my next point.
4. Gender roles and stereotypes.
Having strict gender roles and stereotypes in a hallmark of the patriarchy. Many of my previous points are a product of this concept. Everything goes back to the expectations that people have for what is “masculine” or “feminine.” Under the patriarchy, men are seen as strong, unemotional, decision makers, etc. On the other hand, women are viewed as emotional, soft, supporting caretakers. Keeping these ideas alive limits our society and the identities of many. It keeps tight control over what is deemed to be “acceptable” while alienating all of the things that “are not.” There shouldn’t be a limit on what certain genders can and cannot do.
Gender roles are a reason women may look down on other women who aren’t ‘wives.’ It shows that as a woman it is inline with your “role” to be a wife and if you are not one, you should be frowned upon. Slut shaming, as discussed in point two, is derived from a concept of women needing to be conventional and chaste. In point three, I discussed rape culture. Rape culture is usually seen in practice against women. It oppresses them and makes them feel like their voices should be silenced, this is in line with the meek “role” that women are expected to fulfill. Also, concepts of men needing to be in power is showcased by the idea that men cannot fall victim to rape.
Another way we see gender roles and stereotypes in action is with sexual orientation. Not many people understand how disrespectful it is to ask a homosexual couple “which one is the boy and which one is the girl?” Not only is that keeping gender roles in line and dismissing their identity, but it also showcases the idea that a union can only exist between men and women. Gender roles are also inappropriately applied to gender identities. Forcing a gender upon a person who has stated that they are gender fluid is an example of keeping strict gender stereotypes in place.
There you have it, folks. If you fell into any of these categories:
You have time to change your behavior and help dismantle this oppressive system. Make sure you stay mindful of how your words and actions affect others and could potentially assist in their oppression.