I did not know I was going to make it to 20. At 15, going through five more years of life seemed impossible. It was a tough time in my life, and I found it hard to see the lessons in the struggles I was going through. But here I am, halfway through my 20th year of life, reflecting on everything I have learned.
I want to share 20 lessons I have learned by age 20. I hope it will help someone else who is trying to find their way, just like I was.
1. Bad things happen to good people
Life is not always fair, and sometimes, no matter how kind or careful you are, things will not go your way. But hardship does not define you; how you rise from it does.
2. Emotions are complex, so take time to understand them
Emotions are not just something to deal with; they are something to understand. They can be messy, unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming, but every feeling has a purpose. Instead of pushing emotions aside, take a moment to sit with them, figure out where they are coming from and learn what they are trying to tell you. The better you understand your emotions, the better you can understand yourself.
3. Setting boundaries is not selfish
Never apologize for communicating your feelings and setting boundaries because, in the long run, you will always be thankful that you were honest.
4. True friends stick through your awkward moments in life\
We all have days when we are not the most self-aware. But the ones who laugh with you, even on your awkward days, the ones who are real with you but never make you feel small in those moments are the people worth keeping are the friends worth keeping.
5. Never change who you are for someone else
The right people will love you as you are. If you have to shrink yourself to fit into someone else’s world, you are in the wrong place.
6. Sit in silence sometimes
Most of us are always plugged in — headphones on, eyes glued to a screen. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is unplug. Take a quiet walk, sit on your porch and just be. Let your thoughts wander, soak in the world around you and listen to the sounds of life happening in real time.
7. Let things go wrong
Some of my favorite memories are when I just let things take their course. Not every moment can be planned, and stressing over every detail of your life can lead to unnecessary frustration. Let yourself feel the excitement of the unknown.
8. Your sibling is your best friend for life
I spent so much time resisting the idea of looking up to my older sister, especially before she left for college. But once she was gone, I realized something important. She is the one constant in my life, a reminder that no matter where life takes us, we will always have each other.
9. Do not give up on trying just because it is hard
I have been told “no” countless times, but each time, it taught me something valuable. Every rejection, every setback always happens for a reason. The path might get tough, but perseverance is what makes the difference. Keep going, even when it feels impossible, because the breakthrough could be just around the corner.
10. Find the power in saying no
“No” is a complete sentence. If someone gets upset at you for saying it, they are not worth your time.
11. This is your parents’ first life too
It took me a while to grasp the fact that my parents did not always have all the right answers, and they are still figuring things out. Give them grace, just as you would want in return.
12. A breath of fresh air can clear your mind
My room can feel like a vortex, pulling me into its distractions and monotony. But when I step outside, even for just a few minutes, something shifts. The change of scenery, the fresh air and the simple act of leaving that space can clear my mind and give me a new perspective. Sometimes, all it takes is stepping out to reset and take a new approach.
13. Do not let guilt control your actions
Your past does not define you. You can not keep letting who you were dictate who you are now, nor can you use the present to make up for past mistakes. Doing so only holds you back and hurts your future self. Move forward, let go of the past and give yourself the space to grow.
14. Trust goes both ways
Trust is not only about expecting honesty from others, but it is also about being truthful with yourself and the people around you.
15. Comparison is the thief of joy
It is easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing — who is achieving more, who looks happier, who seems to have it all figured out. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you lose sight of what actually matters: your own growth, your own path, your own joy. Someone else’s success does not take away from yours. Focus on your journey, because that is the only one that belongs to you.
16. Hold your head high
Walk into every room like you are meant to be there — because you are. Doubt will try to creep in, but do not let it shrink you. Own your space, speak with confidence and remind yourself that you have earned your place. The way you carry yourself is not just about how others see you, it is about how you see yourself.
17. Creativity is your superpower
Your ability to think, dream and create is what makes you extraordinary. Use it to your advantage, and be proud of it.
18. Your culture will be one of the most important things you will carry through life
The traditions, values and stories passed down to you were not meant to end with you. It is up to you to honor them, to keep them alive and to make sure they continue for generations to come. You are a living part of your culture’s legacy, so own it, protect it and pass it on.
19. Never assume anything; everyone has their own story
People carry invisible battles. Lead with kindness because it costs nothing but is worth everything.
20. Even in your darkest moments, someone loves you
On the days that feel heaviest, when it seems like no one truly sees you, hold on to this — you are loved, you are enough and the world would not be the same without you. Even when it is hard to believe, your existence makes a difference. You are not alone, and you never have to carry it all by yourself.
Now, as I walk through my 20s, I will have a new set of lessons to write down. Ones that will challenge me in ways I would never expect. But until then, I will take what I know, trust the journey and do my best to make the most of this one life we get.