I met all three of my roommates on Instagram before school started. On one hand, this made the whole college experience feel less intimidating. It made me feel that I had “built-in best friends.” It also later taught me how your roommate can begin relying on you as their only best friend, and how that situation can backfire.
Everything was great at first; we all had the excitement of a fresh start. There were no parents, and now there were new friends to have sleepovers with every night. It feels natural to be best friends with your roommate for the first few days of school, considering nobody knows anyone. However, these are also the most important days to branch out your circle!
After the first month, I realized my roommate had made me the center of her social life, while I had extended it to other friends. This made living together get more difficult by the day. I found myself feeling responsible for her happiness. I felt guilty every time I went out with my own friends, hung out with my boyfriend, or simply went to get lunch at the dining hall with someone else. Even though I made constant efforts to include her, nothing seemed to be making her enjoy her college experience.
This took a toll on my mental health for weeks. I had to stop letting her cause me guilt and control my decisions. I eventually realized that everyone will have their own college experiences, and it was okay if mine did not look the same as hers. It was at this point that I felt I could live freely. After a few weeks of seeing my new lifestyle, she adjusted. Now, we are still best friends, but also not each other’s whole social circle.
The first meeting with your roommate is an exciting experience! However, it is important to identify the difference between sharing a space with someone and building your entire social life around them. If you ever find yourself in this position or a similar one, my best advice to you is to set boundaries early to avoid this. Have the conversation with your roommate that you are looking to be friends, but also have social lives outside of one another.
Roommates should support one another and encourage each other to branch out. You can make new friends, join clubs, and get involved while still maintaining that roommate bond! It is important to remember that everyone’s college experience looks different, and that you are not responsible for someone’s happiness or social life. Make your college experience what you want it to be!