The early 2000s hit rom-com He’s Just Not That Into You follows the timeline of several individuals, primarily women, as they navigate the dating world, exposing unrealistic expectations, mixed signals, and courtship games.Â
One of the main themes of the film focuses on how “women” are often told to interpret rejection as interest. The movie begins with its main character, Gigi, years prior when she was a little girl being bullied by a boy who pushes her to the ground and calls her names. Gigi is surprised to learn from her mom that many boys her age exhibit bullying behavior towards girls they like (this trope is something young girls hear frequently). While this may be true these words of “wisdom” condition women to think that negative behavior is acceptable and could be tolerated.Â
Later as an adult, we see how such interactions negatively affect Gigi; for example, on multiple occasions, she becomes obsessed with men who lack any type of care towards her. Most notably, she goes out on a date with Connor, a man a friend had set her up with. The date went well in her eyes, but Connor ghosts her. She takes this as a sign that she needs to try harder, showing up at a bar he visits regularly, trying to bump into him. Yet the reality was Connor was not interested (“He’s just not into you”), as the movie title says.
One of the other characters in the film, Janine, faces even greater issues. She marries a man who ends up cheating on her. While Janice’s relationship seemed “good” from the outside, it becomes obvious that this was not the case. Earlier in this relationship, when they were dating, Janine had given Ben, her husband, the ultimatum that they either get married or break up. She goes to extreme lengths to maintain a relationship instead of acknowledging that he was not that into her. Additionally, after his affair, she stays with him, thinking things can be reconciled. As a result of prior social conditioning, she accepted getting treated poorly. Eventually, Janine chooses to prioritize herself, deciding that she deserves better by divorcing Ben.
In real life and on social media I have seen this play out constantly, and every time it has gone poorly. Friends of mine reassure a girl that is receiving mixed signals, “He likes you; he just doesn’t know how to treat a girl.” or “He likes you; he’s just hurt from his last relationship.” The reality is he does not like you, and you have to accept it. Almost all of the time mixed signals are another way of communicating disinterest. If someone truly cared, they would never even think about not acting correctly because they wouldn’t want to lose you. A lot of time is wasted stressing over whether someone likes you or not. It is a very unproductive use of time when you could be spending those moments with friends or family.Â
As the movie suggests, relationships should be very black and white. Quoting Gigi’s love interest, “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No expectations.” Women need to start accepting these signs for what is not worth their time. Only accepting clear positive behavior from a person will prevent heartbreak, pain, and situationships. This movie, while a romantic comedy, teaches a beneficial lesson that should be taken to heart.