Friendships are some of the most incredible and important parts of our lives. We love our differences and learn from each other’s unique perspectives. Yet sometimes, these differences touch on core values, especially when it comes to harmful stereotypes or dismissive comments.
Last winter break, I had to step back from a friendship because I realized we disagreed on fundamental values. I’ve always believed that having different opinions in friendships is important for growth and self-reflection. But when a difference involves values that harm others, I cannot ignore it.
A comment was made about a friend of mine after I showed someone a picture. The joke was a microaggression, and I was shocked that my friend didn’t see it as a problem. When I raised my concerns, she dismissed them, comparing the remark to a harmless stereotype about England’s weather. Later, when I tried to explain why this was harmful, she reframed the conversation as “white victimization,” which deflected from the real impact of the comment.
That conversation last year made me think about how differently we viewed the responsibility of our words and the importance of acknowledging harm. Even though I cared about her, I couldn’t continue a friendship built on such different understandings of empathy and accountability.
I want my friendships to be grounded in mutual respect and awareness of how our actions affect others. It’s okay to walk away from relationships that no longer reflect the values you hold.
As college students and young adults, we’re constantly forming new connections and learning more about ourselves through them. But it’s worth pausing to ask: do the people I surround myself with share my sense of respect for others? Do they listen, take responsibility, and care about growth?
You don’t need to agree with your friends on everything. But when fundamental values such as empathy, accountability, and respect aren’t shared, that mismatch can quietly chip away at who you’re becoming. Reflecting on who you let close is about protecting your emotional and moral space so you can keep growing into someone you’re proud of. I’m still learning how to navigate these moments, but I know that awareness and empathy must always be at the center.