1. Overly eager freshman
Oh my god!!! It’s our first fun day! Better start drinking at 7:45am and vomit in the quad by noon! Or maybe not! (Hopefully not!). Look out for herds of first years doing the most. They can be distinguished by their cult-like movements and a signature high pitched squealing at the first sight of the bouncy castle. They are likely to be found in front of the stage, posing for “candid” dancing pictures with their roommates.
2. Music Scene Kids
Chances are they’re perched on a blanket by the pond, ruminating over the fact that HOMESHAKE didn’t show up for Earth Day last week. Don’t make jokes about it. Too soon. Pat them on the back, tell them Vagabon was great, and keep it moving.
3. Coachella Hopefuls
For many, Fun Day is the closest thing to Coachella that they will be attending. You know what that means? FLOWER CROWNS!!!! And lots of them. Chances are you’ll be roped into taking at least one of their group photos. Don’t forget to throw up those peace signs!!
4. The couple that makes out all day
There will always be that couple living out the honeymoon phase of their relationship on South Green. Just accept it. They set up shop (blankets and pillows included) before you even got to the event, so just let them have this. I heard they’re breaking up for the summer anyway.
5. The girl with one boob perpetually falling out of her shirt
“Hey….hey…..HEY!!! YOUR BOOB IS OUT!!”
“MY WHAT?”
“YOUR BOOB!! IT’S COMING OUT OF YOUR SHIRT!!”
“WHAT?”
“LOOK DOWN!! YOUR BOOB IS SHOWING!!”
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!! HAVE FUN!!!”
It’s okay. You tried.
Editor’s Note: This article is satirical; be safe, have fun, and do your thang at Fun Day.