Ten Thoughts I Had During My Super Bowl Party

This year I had my first ever Super Bowl event. I won’t even call it a Super Bowl party, because the premise of it was actually to hang out and not watch the game, and while we ended up having the game on in the background to keep track of the score and Lady Gaga, my party was truly focused on food, beer, and Cards Against Humanity. This wasn’t just my first Super Bowl party, though—it was the first time I’d ever hosted a party on my own, without my housemates. I was terrified. I was so convinced no one would show up (people did!) and so scared I would end up sitting alone awkwardly with one miserable guest (only happened for like 10 minutes!) that my anxiety was driving me borderline insane. The party turned out really well, even better than I expected, but I’m still feeling a little anxiety-hungover. So, in the spirit of humor, here are 10 thoughts I had while throwing my first ever party.

  1. What if no one shows up?!  What if only one person shows up and I’m sitting here alone with them for hours? Oh, God, which is worse!?
  2. What if no one likes popcorn chicken?! 
  3. Is it weird to wait by the door? My house has so many windows, everyone can see me waiting.
  4. Oh, god, I don’t have any fancy plates. I can’t plate these taquitos well enough. Everyone is going to think I’m a caveman who eats off of ugly plates.
  5. What kind of alcohol should I serve? I only have Guinness and Jack Daniels, and those are expensive – why didn’t I buy shitty football beer? Oh, right, no one likes shitty football beer. The whole reason people are coming here is because they don’t like shitty football beer.
  6. Are there enough Doritos? Are there ever enough Doritos?
  7. Oh, god, people are here! Oh, god.
  8. Okay, okay, this is going well. Thank God George and Ben brought beer. Wow, give me a beer. Or two.
  9. Oh! My BOGO cheese! I got cheese buy one get one free! I should bring it out! Oh-wait, I forgot about the pizza! It’s still on the cooling rack.
  10. Everyone’s gone now and I can finish the left over Doritos! Yay! Hey where are the—never mind, Aaron ate the Doritos.