Profile: Michael Scott

Name: Mmmmmmmmmmichael SCOTT! 

Class Year: I didn’t go to college… But I have won over 7 Dundies. And I have 15 years of experience as a regional manager for Dunder Miflin Paper Company.  

Relationship Status: Ummm. Its complicated. Let’s just say I’ve had a few crazies in my life… Jan mostly.  

Hobbies: Oh definitely parkour, spending time with my best friends Pam, Jim, and Ryan, improve comedy, games, and eating. Does eating count?  

HC: What is your dream job and why?  

MS: I think I am living the dream as the Regional Manager for Dunder Miflin Paper Company. I used to run my own company, but that kind of life wasn’t for me. The hustle of being an entrepreneur? It’s too much.  

HC: If you had one work day to throw a party, what necessities would have to be included?  

MS: Definitely booze, you can’t have a good party without people getting a little crazy. And bouncy castles, an ice sculpture, girls dancing in cages. Your usual, run of the mill party.  

HC: What is one valuable lesson you’ve learned as regional manager?  

MS: I think learning how to work with people who are different from me. Take Stanley for example. He is a beautiful, sassy black man who I’ve learned to love as my own. And Oscar, the homosexual Mexican. He’s great, I think he had a thing for me at some point but I’m sure he knows it’s not happening by now. 

HC: If you were a superhero, what would your name be and what would your powers be?  

MS: If I were a superhero, I’d be a crime fighting robot named Michael Scorn. I’d go around cities fighting crime, shooting bad guys, picking up chicks with my sidekick Packer. Aw man that’d be great.  

HC: What do you look for in a woman?  

MS: (laughs for like 30 seconds) You mean sexually?  

HC: No, personality traits.  

MS: Oh right yes of course. Well she’s got to be hot, I mean… Have you seen my track record? She needs to laugh at my jokes and think I’m witty and like to do voices. Have you met Holly? I’m looking for someone like Holly.